Never knew there was a place where writers congregate to cry about rejections.

I understand the need to vent, but I was gobsmacked, and here's why. That site doesn't dispel any of the copious misconceptions or glorious conceits that lead to rejections. Here's a sampling of things writers said about agents and/or publishing, once they received the relatively standard, "I just wasn't excited enough about this to make an offer at this time."

1. "Why can't the agent just take a chance on my work?"
   
2. "How on earth can't any one of the novels I pitched be of interest to the mind of a leading agent?"
   
3. "They enjoyed reading my idea? Four years working on my first novel, and it's reduced to an idea?"
   
4. "I thought him incompetent, and I told him precisely why in my response to his letter. I never heard back."
   
5. "I am getting the distinct feeling that there are no agents who actually would like to represent an author."
   
6. "I can't believe they (sent a form letter, used a rubber stamp to say no thanks, scrawled no thanks on my own query letter, gave feedback, didn't give feedback...)"
   
7. "She 'didn't love it enough.' I think that it's hard for someone to love a project based solely on the first three chapters. There are plenty of books that had dull first chapters but redeemed themselves in the end."
   
8. "This agent seems to have become hardened to the fact that we writers pour our souls into our work. She has gotten so many queries that she has forgotten that it is an HONOR to read our work."

Wow, those are some doozies. But here we go.

1)The reason the agent can't just 'take a chance' on your work is because he or she needs to feel passionately about your writing. Even when they do adore a project, every agent is essentially gambling that they can persuade an editor to love it too. Sometimes it's not the writing itself as much as the subject matter. Maybe you've written a cozy mystery when people are tired of reading about sleuthing spinsters with a cat. And if an agent feels indifferent or only mild interest, then that will communicate itself to the editors and your project won't sell. The point isn't landing the agent; it's signing material he or she can sell. Otherwise, the agent doesn't eat and you start feeling like the working relationship is doomed, which leads to terminating a contract and then you're right back where you started. As a writer, your job is to hone your craft until people cannot resist your work. If they can, then you're not done polishing and perfecting. It really is that simple. I know we hate to admit that our stuff may not be ready for primetime, but face it, that is sometimes the case. It's not them; it's you.

2)Let's start where this writer went wrong. He pitched a bunch of novels in the same letter? Mind you, it's okay to mention you've written other things, but do not pitch them or describe like 20 books in one query. That's a smorgasbord approach to querying, and it seldom works. It's like those buffet restaurants that offer a ton of choices and mass quantity, but none of it is very good. That will often color an agent's perception of you as well. If a writer has 25 novels ready for representation, why hasn't someone signed him? Answer: his books aren't very good.

3)Idea is only a word. This writer is choosing to feel wounded and trivialized, based on someone else's verbiage. What does that say about him? Well, to me, it says he's remarkably thin-skinned. He's the writer who is going to resist edits tooth and nail, and argue with people over their constructively intended criticisms. There are just too many people trying to publish who are even-tempered and who take differing opinions with an open mind and a willingness to do whatever it takes to write the best book. Plus, this writer has admitted it took four years to finish something. That's sluggard / slacker production, another black mark.

4)This guy needs to be whacked with the clue stick. Just because an agent doesn't like your stuff, it doesn't make him incompetent. Maybe you really do suck. If you're serious about writing, you'll persist and improve until you don't anymore. The biggest disservice writers do themselves is believing they're better than they are and showing off substandard work. Join a crit group. Believe what people tell you.

5)An agent doesn't spend too much time looking for new clients because that would be a disservice to the ones whose careers he's supposed to be shepherding. However, that doesn't say he wouldn't be excited to unearth something fantastic. Read Rachel Vater's blog and see how gleeful she is to have signed Caitlin Kittredge. My agent said the following in an e-mail after I accepted her offer: "I am so excited to be working with you!" If your work is ready, you will find an agent. Just because the agent doesn't want to rep you, it doesn't mean he doesn't want new clients.

6)Damn. Writers will complain about any fucking thing. The variety of complaints in rejection letters just shows that an agent can't win, regardless of what course he takes. Bottom line is, rejections suck; stop expecting to like it. Just suck it up and write better. Agents are in no fashion obligated to critique your work, though. Expecting them to just shows you're an amateur. But if they do offer constructive comments, don't get mad and say they don't know what they're talking about. If you really think that, why'd you query them in the first place?

7)This boggles my mind. You seem to be mounting a defense of your boring first chapters by saying 'other published books have been boring but they got better!' Okay, well, maybe that's true, but you're not Danielle Steel. When you are, you can get away with shit like that. Right now, you're nobody, and you can't, and you have to try ten times harder. Sorry.

8)An honor? Oh no, no, no, missy, you did not just say that. An honor, she says. It is not an honor for them to read your 'labor of love' (vomit). And yes, when I was playing at being ready for the bigtime at maybe 21 years of age, I used that cliche in a query letter. I survived it. Reading the slush pile is their job, sometimes delegated to an assistant or an intern. Maybe they find a gem in there; maybe it's yours. And if they sign you, it's not an honor either. It's fantastic news and it's exciting, but it's not an honor. You're not being awarded a purple heart. At that point, they are saying, "Hey, I like how you string words together / tell a story and I think I can sell this. Furthermore, I don't believe you're a needy diva who is going to make my life a living hell." That's pretty much the extent of it. And by signing, you are saying, in turn, "I think you're a honest person who knows the business, believes in my ability to string words together, and knows how best to guide my career." No other assumptions are or should be implied.

This has turned into a really long post, but let me summarize in this fashion. It's not us vs them, and it's not an adversarial relationship. If you can't get an agent, it's because the project and/or your writing ability isn't up to spec. If you really want it, keep working. Don't look for shortcuts, don't become bitter, and don't hold up your rejections in some perverse glee as proof that the publishing industry is corrupt.

Just fucking write and stop whining.