Try some; it's good.
Wherein I ramble about books, movies,
music, TV shows, my life, and occasionally, hot emo boys.
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Monday, February 12, 2007
I am woman, hear me rant
It seems to me there's a particular disconnect between what readers want and what publishers are willing to risk. In romance, there's a certain formula and woe betide any author that writes something edgy. You might find yourself rejected by agents / publishers who claim your work "isn't romance-y" enough. What, no burning loins? No heaving breasts? No dewy-eyed soulful looks?
Last time I checked, a romance is about two people falling in love. I'd hate to hear there's a certain formula as to how that must take place: this many hair-flips on her part, that many yawn and stretch moves on his, ten kisses, two instances of oral sex, missionary, femme dominant, and (lately) the obligatory anal scene. Well since when? Why didn't I get the memo? I thought a romance was girl+boy+sparks+sexin' ensues(tm shuzluva pending)+drama/angst+HEA. Beyond that, I thought there was a great deal of latitude.
What about readers who want it a little darker, grittier, and more intense? In my wanderings of the www, I've seen I don't know how many variations on: "I feel like I'm seeing the same story, over and over again." Readers are tired of these vanilla pudding books and adding a menage a trois isn't going to fix it. (Just ask Mrs. Giggles.)
But then we find readers whining about, "I don't want to read about divorcees" and "I don't want to read about women whose past lovers weren't very good in bed". Add to the list virgins, women who have been sexually indiscriminate, people with self-esteem issues... I find myself asking: well, what the hell is left?
This. You want the perfect romance that speaks to you? Buy it. They've got your cowboys and tycoons, and you can even give the heroine your name.
I'll just drive myself crazy wondering what readers want. Half the time I don't even know what I want. Certainly my tastes mature and evolve as I read, so the stuff that once worked for me isn't working any longer. Stuff this nonsense. Ultimately, all I can do is write and hope somebody enjoys it.
Last time I checked, a romance is about two people falling in love. I'd hate to hear there's a certain formula as to how that must take place: this many hair-flips on her part, that many yawn and stretch moves on his, ten kisses, two instances of oral sex, missionary, femme dominant, and (lately) the obligatory anal scene. Well since when? Why didn't I get the memo? I thought a romance was girl+boy+sparks+sexin' ensues(tm shuzluva pending)+drama/angst+HEA. Beyond that, I thought there was a great deal of latitude.
What about readers who want it a little darker, grittier, and more intense? In my wanderings of the www, I've seen I don't know how many variations on: "I feel like I'm seeing the same story, over and over again." Readers are tired of these vanilla pudding books and adding a menage a trois isn't going to fix it. (Just ask Mrs. Giggles.)
But then we find readers whining about, "I don't want to read about divorcees" and "I don't want to read about women whose past lovers weren't very good in bed". Add to the list virgins, women who have been sexually indiscriminate, people with self-esteem issues... I find myself asking: well, what the hell is left?
This. You want the perfect romance that speaks to you? Buy it. They've got your cowboys and tycoons, and you can even give the heroine your name.
I'll just drive myself crazy wondering what readers want. Half the time I don't even know what I want. Certainly my tastes mature and evolve as I read, so the stuff that once worked for me isn't working any longer. Stuff this nonsense. Ultimately, all I can do is write and hope somebody enjoys it.
Labels: SBD
Readers and critics are very fickle creatures. Every few years a few new hot writers pops up, and everyone jumps on the bandwagon. Readers and writers. Anything and everything does a shift in the new IT Writer's favor, but once that love grows cold... oy vey. They get kicked to the curb like yesterday's dog meat. It's a bit painful to watch.
As a reader, I've primarily switched to reading romantica/erotica, and ebooks/trade paperbacks, because that's the only thing besides a few left field mainstream authors that don't bore the absolute shit out of me.
I am wrapped up with a toddler 23.9 hours of the day. When I do get that 15 minutes to sit down to read, I don't want to slog through 20 pages of back story right from the outset. Put me in the story from page one! I'll typically grab an EC over a mainstream pb for that very reason. I know what I'm getting, and the books get to the point.
Some might think that's a harsh view. Maybe it is, but I tend to think the same way as a writer. I've been trounced up and down for my novellas, particularly Wicked Temptation - it's too dark, not romantic enough, the hero isn't on his knees for the heroine, and the list goes on. But if there's anything I've learned the hard way it's that you can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself.
I'm sick to death of trying to figure out what 'the next big thing' is going to be. I'm sicker of trying to figure out why there has to BE a next big thing???
Okay, so erotica works. Should we all go back and ram in an anal scene?
Vamps work. Lets give the cowboy fangs.
Paranormal. Hmm? Maybe my lawyer could be a ghost...a witch?
WTF?
Just because a great Italian restaurant opens, doesn't mean all the Thai and Mexican places should start cooking pasta!
Cliche but true: variety is the spice of life.
Right now, I'm going to hurl if I read one more ditsy girl detective wannabe who is beyond TSTL but still solves the crime and gets the hot hero.
When the flavor of the month appears, I do end up gorging on whatever it is. Part of the reason for that is the flavor is whatever publishers are pushing because it's hot.
But then we find readers whining about, "I don't want to read about divorcees" and "I don't want to read about women whose past lovers weren't very good in bed". True. There is absolutely no way to know what every reader wants, but if you write a tight, coherent love story, you're going to give them something they'll enjoy.
At least, that's how it works for me. Oh, and if you throw in a little anal I'll give you four stars. NOT.
Readers are tired of the same old crap. Publishers love the same old crap because they know it sells. It's not until some brave editor (who probably didn't know any better) goes, "Wow, this is great!" that something new comes out.
(Thank you, Jim Butcher's editor!)
On the other end of the spectrum, there are a gazillion epubs, just throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. Aliens with pseudopods having threeways with vampiric werewolves on a desolate prison planet, where the vampiric werewolves have to be hunted down and forced to submit with cattle prods in their poopers?
"Sure! We'll slap a warning label on it and call it BDSM."
I'm not a lesbian or even bi in any way but I do think a well-written f/f scene can be just as hot as a m/m scene. I wonder why so many erotica readers who devour m/m stuff don't want anything to do with f/f?
Sorry, but I have no desire to be the meat in a manwich. For one thing, I'm not good at multitasking. I'd be like, what's he doing down there, oh, no I never said you could put that there. Okay, why are there FOUR hands on me...
If I had to choose a threeway, like say, because I've been captured and taken to a slave planet, where my mighty ovaries are needed to save the world, I'd much rather be part of a f/m/f dealie.
First, girls are pretty. They're soft and they smell nice, and they don't have any extra bits to poke into suspicious areas (like my BUTT). Second, if they've played with other women before, they know how to give oral. Men, at best, are good guessers. I've actually had men who thought putting their face down there and blowing raspberries equated to awesome action, and I hate training men to what I like. Women need no training.
So after we wear out Mr. Happy, and he's asleep, snoring beside us in bed, the other girl and me could totally play for another hour. These are only SOME of the reasons why I prefer the flip threesome, if I have to pick one.
Too bad only Bam and me would want to read a scene like this.
That said, I don't really need all those extra arms and legs in a bed. I'm happiest with one partner at a time.
You'd think those men would feel gypped, yeah. I mean, (and I know I mention this scene A LOT) but it's the most egregious of its kind. There's a scene where LKH has Merry on a bathroom floor with THREE men, so it's a foursome. She has one in her mouth, one in her magical hoo-hoo and the poor half-goblin faerie is left to hump back of her neck. C'mon now. Who in the world would find that hot??
And yes, you'd think there would be some chafing.
I don't know of any publisher specifically looking for f/f scenes unless they're gay/lesbian oriented. I'm told emphatically that they don't sell so I guess maybe women would much rather read about the man harems.
I wonder if the FMF problem with readers is about sharing a man with another woman? If so, surely it's possible to write a story where the man and the other woman are sharing the heroine instead? Does that make sense?