First, let me just say that children's school concerts must've been devised for a circle in hell. One demon said, "Let's put the show in a gymnasium with inadequate seating and ventilation, shall we?" and then another demon said, "Hey, this is just too awful, let's spread the misery!" Thus end-of-school concerts were born.

To the tall man in front of me, wearing a lilac shirt and a mauve tie, no, it is not too adorable that you picked up your four year old and were dancing in the aisle, thus obstructing my view of the performance. To the idiots roaming around with your cameras, the school is making a DVD. Please stop being such asshats and buy it. The way you wandered around, madly snapping pictures and filming, I bet you couldn't name half the songs that were sung last night. This is one of my major peeves. People are so busy recording the moment, observing through a lens, they forget to live in the moment.

To the people who kept circling the gym, unable to believe there really were NO seats, I hope you slam your feet in car doors sometime soon. I'm a short person! I cannot see when four six foot plus men arrange themselves in front of me. And finally, to the teacher who bitched at me for coming to the front because I wanted to see my daughter dance without all the camera people, walking people, and the tall men blocking me, you can bugger off. You didn't police the tall dudes when they were bothering me! So I'm afraid I can't give a rat's ass about other people's enjoyment, when they don't care about mine. Why ask the short woman in front (who was NOT standing alone I might add) to move somewhere else? I only wanted to make sure I could see for that one song, for God's sake.

Since I was relegated to a spot where I couldn't see at all once I did finally find a seat, I found myself checking out asses. Is that inappropriate at a children's concert? Well, (a) they weren't children's asses, and (b) I don't care. It has come to my attention that I don't like the asses of terribly tall men. They're almost always flat and shapeless. I only saw two good asses on all the men walking around. One was an Indian gentleman. I was quite shocked when I finally got round to looking at his face because he was at least 50! But the man did have a nice ass, you know, the round bubble kind. The best ass in the place belonged to the professional cello player they hired to play with the children for the concert. He had a really cute butt and a shock of wild black Mozart hair. I stared at him for the rest of the concert, not that he noticed. I guess cello players don't get ogled much.

Oh, and to you loud-mouthed harpies behind me, in case you didn't know, when you come to a children's concert, you SHOULDN'T BE TALKING. I don't care how long it's been since you had coffee with your friend, so-and-so's mommy, this about the kids! Listen to them sing and play! They've worked hard, dammit!!

Moving on. Authors, just because you're on an 'author only' loop, that doesn't mean it's a good idea to reveal how sad and bitter you are. Save the self-defeatist poor-me bullshit for an email to one friend you absolutely trust, who will then tell you, "Suck it up, you're being a whiny little beeotch." I never thought I could be put off buying books based on personality, but it appears I can. After reading some of the shit yesterday, several have landed on my I will never buy a book by them, ever, list.

The rest of you on the loop, holy crap. Give the small stuff a rest, and please, for the love of God, STOP going around bragging about your one accomplishment to anyone who will listen. I saw the same damn thing posted five times by the same person, and it's not even a new development. Hell, I'm not even sure it's true, with some new facts coming to light. Writing is not a way to feed your ego. You'll get smacked down, suffer a lot of false starts, and be told you can't succeed by numerous people, but if you love telling stories, then STFU and do it. Don't talk the talk; walk the walk.

Finally, since ya'll have been kind enough to let me vent, I'm going to make it up to you. This weekend we're launching a joint author blog called The Bradford Bunch. As you could probably guess, it's seven authors repped by the amazing Laura Bradford. It features me, Anya Bast, Cynthia Eden, Jodi Lynn Copeland, Lauren Dane, Marissa Scott, and Vonna Harper. You're probably asking yourself why you should care. Well, we'll be giving away loot and free books during our launch week, and this won't be just another promotional tool where we talk about how awesome we are. Ya'll know I can bring the funny, so consider it broughten. My day is Sunday, so I hope you'll stop by. If that's not enough, you'll have a chance to win an Amazon gift certificate over there and a free copy of Your Alibi, which can't be purchased until June 25th. You'll get it a week early! Pretty sweet, no? See you Sunday.