Try some; it's good.
Wherein I ramble about books, movies,
music, TV shows, my life, and occasionally, hot emo boys.
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Current WiP
My ValentineGuide sequel = DONE
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Monday, October 15, 2007
The nominees are...
The lovely and talented Dionne Galace picked the top four, therefore I'm removed from accusations of bias and what-not. Without further ado, here are your Embarrassing Story finalists.
Wicked Writes:"I rise late from le boudoir and feel like dinner instead of a late lunch. I know the Chinese place across the street has great deals and I quite fancy some of the 'special mixed meat curry'. It tastes divine going in but ends up watery coming out the back door.
So? I figure everyone gets the bum squirts now and then and it's no bid dealio. I'll just wear a panty liner to keep my knickers from getting streaked.
Eventually the ass gushing stops and I am left with a smelly toilet and a rubbish bin in my bathroom full of poopy panty liners.
I forget about it. I can sort it out later. There is some serious ovarian histronics happening because Tarzan is on tv and he is FINE.
The phone rings. I am selling a fishtank and some dude wants to come pick it up and pay me monies.
Whatever. Back to Tarzan.
Now, I live with 2 bastard catses. Babycat is an adult but behaves like a toddler on a sugar high and Afrocat is the grumpiest bitch on the block. Both are going full scale maddo running up and down my hallway and in and out of all the rooms.
I ignore them and watch more smexy Travis Fimmel. I pray his lil buttflap thing will fall off but it doesn't.
Doorbell rings and dude is here for the tank. He pays me and I leave him to pick up the tank and get the hell out.
*CRASH*
There is an almighty skidding, banging and mewling screech.
I roll my eyes. Cats.
Dude is leaving and needs me to hold open the front door for him. I am a lazy pig and huff about leaving my tv. We head into the hallway and nearly get tripped up by Afrocat being pursued by Babycat.
The smell hits me first...
Uh oh. Shit.
Afrocat gallops past us wearing a couple of my used vag liners complete with skiddy crap marks. She is furiously trying to outrun Babycat and get the sticky pads off at the same time. She looks like she is having a seizure and the smell is enough to make you gag.
The dude looks disgusted and then looks everywhere but at me and makes some comment about the weather. The weather? WTF? Did he not just see the funneh? My cats are cute and he should be cooing and awwing over their splendidness. So what if one has a few ass gravy painted panty liners stuck to her? She was PLAYING. I resist the temptation to ask him if he wants to stroke my pussy... It is hard.
I give him mercy and reach down to pick Afrocat up. She glares at us with hatred. Her growling sounds like a rottweiler and she twitches trying to get the pads off. I peel the shitty liners off her (taking a good lump of fur off too) and release the poofball. She saunters off to watch us from a more queenly vantage point. Babycat follows her.
I am pushing dude out towards the front door with the liners wadded up in my fist.
I manage to peek in the bathroom on the way past and see the bin is on it's side and the contents are strewn all over the floor.
Oh well. These things happen. I hold the door open for dude, thank him for the money and smile. He looks green. I offer him my hand to shake and he visibly winces before rushing away as fast as possible. Kinda rude, if you ask me.
Anyway. I put the rubbish back in the bin, tied the bag and disposed of it properly. I also washed my hands and then went back to watching TV. Deadwood would be on soon. I likes me some sweary western fun!"
Robin:"Years ago, I was on day 3 of my first serious career-track job. My company was hosting a seminar presenting our project to 500 industry leaders. My mentor, a corporate heavy-hitter, forgot to order a translator for a non-English speaking government official who was due to speak. In a bind, he "asked" me whether I would be willing to stand up in front of 500 VIP's to do simultaneous translation (which I'd never done before). Remember it's just my 3rd day on the job. I was backed into a corner and said yes. Only catch? The ^%$%$#$@# Minister had never had anyone translate before AND NEVER STOPPED TO LET ME SPEAK! By the time he'd droned on for 5 straight minutes I'd completely forgotten what he'd said when he started! I literally froze halfway through and stood there with my mouth hanging open until the Mayor stood up from the audience and finished the translation. And to top it off, afterwards the Deputy Mayor had the nerve to tell me "wow, you really screwed up out there, didn't you?"! Utter and total humiliation which took over a year to live down. I'm cringing at the mere memory."
Kim W: "I accidentally tucked my skirt into my pantyhose when I was in the bathroom. I worked in a large office building at the time. I went all the way from the lobby area to my office with my behind hanging out. I saw a few snickers and wondered what was up. It wasn't until I walked through the door of where I worked and the receptionist started laughing at me when I passed by that I knew. Of course I had no panties on so that made it even worse."
L: "I can remember a time long, long ago. I was a mm, clumsy child and I lived with oldest sister.
Who obviously hated me, because she made go to a church where old people said "bless your heart" like I was diseased for being biracial. That's not the worst of it, though.
She made me wear a gigantic poofy dress. Gigantic as in...you can move without toppling over.
So I waddled like a penguin to church.
I was like, five, and there was a boy who was cuter than cute, but who is now uglier than ugly.
I sat down looking away from him...
onto air...
and flat on my ass.
Nobody helped me up or nothing.
The poofy skirt flipped up and out onto my face showing off my underwear to the formerly cute but now very ugly boy.
I died. Like five times.
It took people like ten minutes to help the poofy dressed one up.
There was no hurrying.
That was the moment when I realized I had the potential to be the greatest pyromaniac a five year old could be.
Long story, short, my sister shipped me back to my parents."
And you choose...
You have 24 hours to vote. The poll is set so it won't let you vote for yourself repeatedly, but you can have all your friends and family stop by if you'd like. Feel free to be shameless.
Tomorrow, we'll have a winner!
In the meantime, let's talk about my favorite new discovery, Ayo. She's huge in France, y'all. She's got a simple acoustic feel along the lines of Tracy Chapman or Sade, but she has her own magic. Check her out!
What's your favorite singer / band that other people have probably never heard of?
Wicked Writes:"I rise late from le boudoir and feel like dinner instead of a late lunch. I know the Chinese place across the street has great deals and I quite fancy some of the 'special mixed meat curry'. It tastes divine going in but ends up watery coming out the back door.
So? I figure everyone gets the bum squirts now and then and it's no bid dealio. I'll just wear a panty liner to keep my knickers from getting streaked.
Eventually the ass gushing stops and I am left with a smelly toilet and a rubbish bin in my bathroom full of poopy panty liners.
I forget about it. I can sort it out later. There is some serious ovarian histronics happening because Tarzan is on tv and he is FINE.
The phone rings. I am selling a fishtank and some dude wants to come pick it up and pay me monies.
Whatever. Back to Tarzan.
Now, I live with 2 bastard catses. Babycat is an adult but behaves like a toddler on a sugar high and Afrocat is the grumpiest bitch on the block. Both are going full scale maddo running up and down my hallway and in and out of all the rooms.
I ignore them and watch more smexy Travis Fimmel. I pray his lil buttflap thing will fall off but it doesn't.
Doorbell rings and dude is here for the tank. He pays me and I leave him to pick up the tank and get the hell out.
*CRASH*
There is an almighty skidding, banging and mewling screech.
I roll my eyes. Cats.
Dude is leaving and needs me to hold open the front door for him. I am a lazy pig and huff about leaving my tv. We head into the hallway and nearly get tripped up by Afrocat being pursued by Babycat.
The smell hits me first...
Uh oh. Shit.
Afrocat gallops past us wearing a couple of my used vag liners complete with skiddy crap marks. She is furiously trying to outrun Babycat and get the sticky pads off at the same time. She looks like she is having a seizure and the smell is enough to make you gag.
The dude looks disgusted and then looks everywhere but at me and makes some comment about the weather. The weather? WTF? Did he not just see the funneh? My cats are cute and he should be cooing and awwing over their splendidness. So what if one has a few ass gravy painted panty liners stuck to her? She was PLAYING. I resist the temptation to ask him if he wants to stroke my pussy... It is hard.
I give him mercy and reach down to pick Afrocat up. She glares at us with hatred. Her growling sounds like a rottweiler and she twitches trying to get the pads off. I peel the shitty liners off her (taking a good lump of fur off too) and release the poofball. She saunters off to watch us from a more queenly vantage point. Babycat follows her.
I am pushing dude out towards the front door with the liners wadded up in my fist.
I manage to peek in the bathroom on the way past and see the bin is on it's side and the contents are strewn all over the floor.
Oh well. These things happen. I hold the door open for dude, thank him for the money and smile. He looks green. I offer him my hand to shake and he visibly winces before rushing away as fast as possible. Kinda rude, if you ask me.
Anyway. I put the rubbish back in the bin, tied the bag and disposed of it properly. I also washed my hands and then went back to watching TV. Deadwood would be on soon. I likes me some sweary western fun!"
Robin:"Years ago, I was on day 3 of my first serious career-track job. My company was hosting a seminar presenting our project to 500 industry leaders. My mentor, a corporate heavy-hitter, forgot to order a translator for a non-English speaking government official who was due to speak. In a bind, he "asked" me whether I would be willing to stand up in front of 500 VIP's to do simultaneous translation (which I'd never done before). Remember it's just my 3rd day on the job. I was backed into a corner and said yes. Only catch? The ^%$%$#$@# Minister had never had anyone translate before AND NEVER STOPPED TO LET ME SPEAK! By the time he'd droned on for 5 straight minutes I'd completely forgotten what he'd said when he started! I literally froze halfway through and stood there with my mouth hanging open until the Mayor stood up from the audience and finished the translation. And to top it off, afterwards the Deputy Mayor had the nerve to tell me "wow, you really screwed up out there, didn't you?"! Utter and total humiliation which took over a year to live down. I'm cringing at the mere memory."
Kim W: "I accidentally tucked my skirt into my pantyhose when I was in the bathroom. I worked in a large office building at the time. I went all the way from the lobby area to my office with my behind hanging out. I saw a few snickers and wondered what was up. It wasn't until I walked through the door of where I worked and the receptionist started laughing at me when I passed by that I knew. Of course I had no panties on so that made it even worse."
L: "I can remember a time long, long ago. I was a mm, clumsy child and I lived with oldest sister.
Who obviously hated me, because she made go to a church where old people said "bless your heart" like I was diseased for being biracial. That's not the worst of it, though.
She made me wear a gigantic poofy dress. Gigantic as in...you can move without toppling over.
So I waddled like a penguin to church.
I was like, five, and there was a boy who was cuter than cute, but who is now uglier than ugly.
I sat down looking away from him...
onto air...
and flat on my ass.
Nobody helped me up or nothing.
The poofy skirt flipped up and out onto my face showing off my underwear to the formerly cute but now very ugly boy.
I died. Like five times.
It took people like ten minutes to help the poofy dressed one up.
There was no hurrying.
That was the moment when I realized I had the potential to be the greatest pyromaniac a five year old could be.
Long story, short, my sister shipped me back to my parents."
And you choose...
You have 24 hours to vote. The poll is set so it won't let you vote for yourself repeatedly, but you can have all your friends and family stop by if you'd like. Feel free to be shameless.
Tomorrow, we'll have a winner!
In the meantime, let's talk about my favorite new discovery, Ayo. She's huge in France, y'all. She's got a simple acoustic feel along the lines of Tracy Chapman or Sade, but she has her own magic. Check her out!
What's your favorite singer / band that other people have probably never heard of?
Listen to some tunes http://www.bubleland.nl/home_en.html and http://website.threedaysgrace.com/tour.asp?m=l&ru=y&lbuid=85,&lbu=&lbp=&lbt=580d97ec2ec1b41d66391d5cd33a9330
1) Nouvelle Vague
2) Metric
3) Imogen Heap
4) April March
5) Metisse
I adore the late, great Jeff Buckley, and it's really hard to tell how many people have listened to a dude who's been dead for 10 years.