Today, I have so much to report that I don't even know where to start.

Been a really productive morning. I bought an Ibook on Mercado Libre (Mexican ebay), worked out terms for a Guide ad with one of the Smart Bitches and fixed the stupid animation speed, and put together the beginnings of an awesome Liquid Silver anthology, featuring the delicious Dionne Galace, the brilliant Bonnie Dee and me. Now we just need a title. What would you guys call a paranormal romance anthology that features a demon, a dragon and a scarecrow? Don't let Bam title this, ya'll. She wants to call another project we're developing Fairy Bukkake Gangbang 2007. We're toying with More Than You Imagine and Body Language, so far. Help us out in comments please, please.

So I put off the best news for last. I'm choking on the squee, so I have to let it out now. Had my second chat with Laura Bradford, who reps such luminaries as Anya Bast, Jodi Lynn Copeland, and Lauren Dane. She thinks my work is really fresh and that I'll either be a pain in the ass to sell, or "the next big thing." Let's hope for the latter. Long story short, I accepted an offer of representation from her, so I'm agented again. Woot! I have more to say but I can't type for running around my office and screaming, so I'll be back later. Woohoo!

PS I have a review over on It's Not Chick porn.

Labels: Ebook Thursday

I've heard aspiring writers say they'd rather throw a manuscript away than sell it to an epublisher. That startles me. I just want people reading my stuff, I don't necessarily care what format it comes in. However, the argument can be made that some epublishers are choosier than others about what they accept, some have bigger promotional budgets and such.

The sales are making the big boys take notice, though. Jane from Dear Author writes about HarperCollins taking the plunge. She notes that she advocated authors building an online following via epubs and then leveraging that into larger sales. Do you guys think that's a viable plan?

One thing she said I wonder about as well:

Having Harper Collins enter the million dollar ebook publishing industry makes me wonder what will happen to epublishers such as Ellora's Cave and Samhain. My hope is that it raises the standard of what is going to be published while not diminishing the diversity of offerings.

I hope the giants don't stomp out the little guys, but I'm pleased to see recognition of a fellow author, though I don't know Delilah Devlin from Adam. Congrats Ms. Devlin!

This post is more about markets, though. If you were going to sub to an epublisher, which one would you choose and why? Who is your dream publisher in NY? How come?

Labels: Workshop Wednesday, writing

random link -- I hope you're braced for dangerous levels of cuteness. I bring you this thing because authors are all supposed to have a cat that they ramble about. If you don't (maybe someone in your house has allergies) click until you find the perfect kitten, and then you can blog about your fantasy feline friend. You're welcome.

random update -- Got an e-mail from Agent L, who reports that her colleague liked Guide so much, she read it three times in the last week. Yes, I know, Guide is already sold, but Agent L is perusing a number of my books. I'm still waiting for news on one submission, and I've been invited to write a book for Liquid Silver for their Terran Realm urban fantasy line. I'm putting that on my plate along with everything else. After a lot of thinking and some wise advice from Carrie (which I chose to disregard), I'm tackling My Valentine next.

My Valentine is the sequel to Guide, starring Darnell Valentine and Maya Hanoush. I'm scared of this book, ya'll.

Darnell is black, but I get him better than the heroine. I picture him looking like a cross between Kadeem Hardison and Mario Barrett, but with short dreads. He and I will do okay -- he's a stockbroker and a computer geek. Never had much luck with the ladies until recently. Now he imitates the other players on scene, but it's not really him, and he's been in love with Maya since they were 16.

Maya is way outside my experience. I have her look figured out -- cross between Shakira and Norah Jones, but she's tall, almost six feet. She's mixed Hispanic-Middle Eastern descent, and she has a rape in her past. Maya lives in NYC in the aftermath of 9/11, so I can't imagine what she goes through on a daily basis. She's an attorney, working for a big firm, but I don't think class limits the pain and discrimination you experience. She does pro bono work on the side, in private, helping battered women. Anyway, I'm gonna cowboy up and brave this thing, though. I hope I write it as well as Ann and Olivia, my marvelous Loose Id editors, think I can. If you have any advice for me, I'm all ears.

random endorsement -- I'm gonna share another guilty pleasure with ya'll. I'm a secret Ashton Kutcher fan. He's like Keanu, only he's goofy-cute instead of being a block of wood. Funny thing, almost any movie I pick up that has him in it turns out to be better / funnier than I thought it would be. I made fun of Dude, Where's My Car when it came out, and then I watched it. Uhm. I'm calling it a cult classic. No, you can't ask how many times I've seen it.

Anyway, I watched My Boss's Daughter last night and it was 100% funnier than I thought it would be. It wasn't a lame romantic comedy at all; it was instead a screwball comedy (and I love those!) If you want to laugh, check it out. Where else can you find an owl on crack?

And that's it for today. I'll close with a random quote:

"I discovered that rejections are not altogether a bad thing. They teach a writer to rely on his own judgment and to say in his heart of hearts, 'To hell with you.'"
-- Saul Bellow

Labels: Random Tuesday

When I visit a blog and comment, it's because I want to interact with the owner(s) and other commenters. Sometimes people turn on comment moderation and then it's like commenting blind. You don't know what else people have said on this topic, maybe you're going to post the exact same thing as the guy ahead of you.

It makes reasoned discourse impossible; I can't react to what someone else has said until the blog owner "approves" the comment. That strikes me as utterly micro-managerial. I mean, shit, you can delete any comment anytime. So what if somebody calls me a cum-guzzling whore or a no-talent hack? One of those things is true, so I'd let that comment stand. The other one, I can remove. What's the big freaking deal? I don't believe in censorship, and if I get spammed, I'll delete that comment too. Again, not a big deal.

The thing that really honks me off about comment moderation is: some folks turn it on and then don't moderate. I'll leave a comment on their blog and then surf back there a week later to find out their thoughts on what I said...and my comment isn't posted!! Bollocks to that. There is no faster, surer way to keep me from returning than to do that shit. Strikes me as onanistic, for one. If you don't want others intruding on your self-love, turn off comments altogether, for fuck's sake. Make it crystal clear you aren't interested in other people's opinions.

Labels: SBD

So I got a sneak peek at Dionne Galace's cover for her story coming out with Samhain in August because I'm cool like that. Check this out.
I feel wrong for admiring this boy, though. He looks young but he's trying to be tough, right? He's got his hair buzzed to make him look serious (or maybe he's trying to cut the desert heat) but I can't help thinking it would be fine to lick some wine or whipped cream off that belly. Look at him, so smooth he hasn't even grown body hair yet. We're all dirty, dirty women for thinking he's pretty.

As usual, I'll have a review over at It's Not Chick Porn.

Check this out. These panels make me think about the changing nature of language. I wonder how JR Ward's books will stand up in twenty years? Will her slang hopelessly date her? School kids today find Shakespeare all but unintelligible. English has changed a lot.

Are you more concerned with telling the story / entertaining than producing timeless literature? Do you think genre fiction has the capacity to transcend genre and become a classic? Can you think of any examples where it has? Name authors and titles for me please, ya'll.

I never read comics as a kid, but I'm starting to wish I had. My favorite is the Joker's Boner. What's yours?

Link courtesy of my husband, bored at work

Labels: whatever

Once in a while, I run across an author who makes everything I slog through as a reviewer worthwhile. Such authors are squee-worthy, and as soon as I develop a powerful new author crush, I immediately run off to my blog because I want to tell the world about it. I'll write a formal review of The Devil's Candy for RRT, but I want to gush a bit before I get down to business.

Meet my latest eighth wonder of the world, Lauren Sharman. Not since I stumbled on the Delaney books, written by Iris Johansen, have I had such a giddy feeling of incredulous delight. Ms. Sharman is writing a series of linked single-title books about a clan of rough and tumble men who live in Maryland. With names like Rebel and Blackie, these men embody the Old West style of men who are ready to throw down but also eager to make sweet, sweet love to their women. Imagine being the heroine, formerly alone in the world, suddenly surrounded by a close-knit group of men who love you and will protect you to their last breath. Sound delicious? It really, truly is. I've never been to Maryland, but her setting intrigues me so much that I want to vacation there now.

Ms. Sharman has almost reinvented the contemporary genre because she doesn't write about the rich and the beautiful. These are downhome people, blue collar romances. The heroines fix their own cars and shoot guns like pros. Her heroes have been to prison a time or two and maybe ran with a biker gang back in the day. Her writing style is captivating. I'm so excited by her book, The Devil's Candy, that I'm running out to buy the prequel right now. I'm sort of anal in that I hate reading books out of order, but she managed to make this book totally stand on its own, so I didn't feel like I was clueless about all the action that had come before in No Worries. I'm getting it, though. I need to read Rebel and Gypsy's story now. (How can you not love an author who can make names like this work? They're part and parcel with her setting, evoking wilderness and the Wild West right there in Maryland). Ms. Sharman's style reminds me a little of Sharon Sala, if that helps any. She wrote a fabulous book called Jackson Rule, which had an ex-con hero like these McCasseys.

Blackie was so good. Who doesn't love a big, tough man who is gentle as a lamb with the woman he loves? He could kill a man with one blow, and he has killed before, but he'd never lay a hand on his woman. For her part, Angel is a killer too; she's mean as snake, but I adore her. She's Blackie's match from the jump. I love this bit:

"If you're going to continue to do that," she said, "then you'd better kill me. I may be a woman and I may be small, but I'm evil, and as dangerous as any of you with a gun. Wasting your sorry ass would make my day, Prince. It wouldn't be the first time I've killed a man, either. And I don't have the conscience my brother did, so if you think I'd get cold feet just before pulling the trigger, you're dead wrong."

These McCassey men are rough and rugged with dark hair and deep blue eyes. When they're young, they terrorize Washington County with their wild ways, but once they're tamed by a woman's love, they become the ultimate family men, willing to lay down their lives for their ladies. If you've read Iris Johansen's Delaney books or Nora Roberts's Chesapeake Bay saga, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. You mess with one McCassey, you fight them all. Ms. Sharman evokes this feeling of devotion and family that's tearfully joyous in its warmth.

I feel like I'm not expressing just how cool her writing is. Best I can do is recommend you check her out for yourself. I could read tons of books about these McCasseys. I hope she never gets tired of writing them.

Labels: bonus post

I am on vacation. I've been working like a dog on this writing gig since last July. I jumped immediately from Your Alibi to Good Touch.

That means I'm getting to know my family again because my kids are starting to ask, "Who's that lady who sleeps with Dad?", spending more time with my husband, who's a pretty great guy, and sitting at the desk less, except when I'm playing an awesome computer game with lots of graphic blood spattering when I kill someone. I'm taking a break, ya'll. I'll post when I feel like it for the next week or so, but we're on hiatus from the regular posting schedule.

Ironically my vacation is wearing me out. I'm taking care of everything I let slide when I was a writing machine: grocery shopping, paying bills, taking pets to the vet. So much fun stuff and I have another exciting day of errands lined up for tomorrow. The plus side is that I'm out in the sunshine. I was starting to hiss like Gollum when dragged out into the light. The next step was calling my keyboard Preciousss and walking all hunched over and shit.

I'll keep you guys posted on my various submissions cos I know you care so much. Anyway, I'm off to enjoy a cool, juicy slice of watermelon. What's your favorite fruit?

PS I vacationed at that spot, the last time I traveled.

Labels: vacation

Things are going too well for me to have any bitching to do. Rather than work up a fake rant about stuff that doesn't really bother me (and you guys could tell the difference, couldn't you?), I'm going to do something different. Today SBD stands from Smart Blessing Day; I'm going to recount the ways I'm lucky as hell. If this post seems disjointed, it's because I'm just counting my blessings as they occur to me.

My cover art for Guide is absolutely gorgeous. If that wasn't enough, my wonderful editors at Loose Id, Ann and Olivia, who helped make a good book great, are interested in a sequel. Ann wants three chapters and synopsis for the secondary characters in Guide. I'm calling it My Valentine and when I have that stuff done, Ann says she can probably offer me a contract, based on partial and synopsis. I'll have deadlines and everything!

Last week, I sold a book and I hadn't ever submitted to this publisher. As an adjunct to my 100th comment contest, Tina Burns, acquisition editor of Liquid Silver Books, read some of my material on my website and sent me a personal invitation to submit. I had Your Alibi available, so I sent it her way. Five days later, she offered me a contract. When I accepted, she wrote:

Yeah! I'm so glad. I got goosebumps when I'd read the excerpts on your site and was prepared to send chocolates if I needed to to bribe you to send me a book!

I'm a feedback whore, I freely admit it. Sometimes in this solitary writing gig of mine, I start jonesing for other people's opinions. Well, that was a happy slice of validation right there. I gave someone goosebumps!

More good stuff. My work is currently in the hands of a wonderful agent, who is close to making me an offer. I've checked her references and they're impeccable. Now I'm just waiting for the magic moment.

Paula Guran of Juno Books is considering Good Touch for their paranormal line. I'm pitching a six book series. My kids are old enough to understand that I'm working when I'm writing, and they've gotten great about handling their own issues. I'm so proud of them for that. I have a maid who takes care of the pesky household details so I can work. I have a husband who, even though he's second in line running a five company corporation, spends his whole weekend helping me whip a project into shape. After reading Good Touch, he also told me who Corine ends up with. I'm not sure he's wrong.

Is there more? Well, yes. As a reward for staying on task over the last two weeks, I bought a gorgeous black sparkly handbag and a new water fountain. I love those (and so do my cats).

I also have fantastic, supportive writer friends who give me great advice and commiserate with me so that my failures don't sting too much. All in all, I have a pretty great life and things are going well. Come on, your turn. Count your blessings for me. I think you'll be smiling when you're done.

Labels: SBD

As it's ebook Thursday, I'll have a review over at It's Not Chick Porn.

Warning: serious post ahead

As many of you know, I have a book coming out with Loose Id on April 17. This story happens to be interracial, and as such, I'm opening a discourse on a touchy subject. Please leave your preconceptions at the door and let's talk honestly for a minute.

I've heard any number of things regarding multicultural stories. I'm told that a white woman / black man is a tough sell because white women don't want to read that, and black women get mad because there's another brother selling out and hooking up outside the race. Does that make him a race traitor? Why? Well, from a white woman's perspective, I hold no rancor for a white man who falls in love with a black woman. I'm all about the love, baby, however and wherever people find it.

Let me share with you a moment here. I come from a long line of racially intolerant folks just one generation removed from the Kentucky hills. I grew up hearing my grandparents talk about colored people and yes, the N-word, and how they're naturally shiftless. You'd think I would have internalized that attitude myself, but from the time I was a small child, their ignorance enraged me.

I remember being thirteen or fourteen years old, having an argument with my uncle, your typical flannel-wearing, deer-shooting hillbilly. I said to him, "I'm going to marry me the blackest man I can find, we'll have beautiful brown babies, and I will never invite you to my house for dinner." Needless to say my extended family does not speak to me anymore.

As it turned out, I didn't marry a black man. I married the man I fell in love with. Of course, I was six months pregnant with his child at the time, and we eloped to Vegas, but then I've never been one to follow the rules. My husband happens to be Mexican. Does that make me a race traitor? I don't see that I've weakened the white race by my actions. Hell, most of us are too pasty anyway and could use a little infusion of color. The one thing I liked about remake of The Time Machine was how the future race looked golden and gloriously Polynesian. I used to say all the races should just intermarry and breed out our differences because by the time we realize we all belong to the SAME race, the human race, aliens will be hovering over the earth with a giant laser, ready to blow our stupid, stubborn asses all to hell.

Anyway, I'm sympathetic to the struggle for equitable treatment. I feel the black authors protesting that they're pigeon-holed and they aren't getting read by a wide audience like the average white author. That said, I read black authors, not knowing they're black. I just pick out the story I want and buy it. But after hearing the problems black authors face, I made a point to seek some out and buy their books.

Here's the thing that struck me. I ran across this paragraph in one of the books I bought.

...wasn't the type to tolerate being around a whole lot of white folks for long. She didn't know many white folks who'd put up with being isolated with a whole lot of black folks for very long, but they hardly ever took into account the stresses black folk go through all the time in the same situation.

To me, the white reader, this feels like a slap. Before I moved, I lived in Indianapolis on the West Side. My neighborhood was predominantly black and Hispanic, and that was fine with me. People who know the area (south of 38th along High School Road) can confirm this. These days, I live in Mexico, so I am, in fact, surrounded by Mexicans, all the time. I'm a minority. I know all about being a minority, but I don't for a minute feel anything like this author describes, even isolated like I am. I don't see it like that. I'm surrounded by mostly kind, occasionally rude Spanish speaking people who are often amused by my efforts to do the same. We're all just people, and all the rest is sort of crazy. It's like fighting because I got vanilla frosting and you got chocolate when we're all strawberry cake underneath.

So I would offer the following thought. If black writers want a wider audience, they should write to a wider audience. Why alienate people like that? I have black people in my books, Latinos, white folks, Asian, and mixed race people. It's how I bring them all together that matters, and that's sort of the point. So to black authors, I say, don't write your stories for black people, making other readers feel like it's a club they don't belong to. Write your stories for people, and people will read them.

Labels: Ebook Thursday

Sometimes it can be hard getting to the finish line. Without a contract, we don't have deadlines unless we impose them. We don't have somebody cracking the whip over us. In effect, writers are their own bosses. Working in your jammies all day is a perk.

This past two weeks I've been tested as I never have been. I'm not one for self-discipline. I'm a creature of impulse. I do things for reasons I don't entirely understand. I write in fits and starts, sometimes with such singleminded passion that I don't want to eat or sleep or bathe until the muse is finished with me.

Sometimes I'm a slack-ass. I just want to watch a movie, take a nap or play one of my gazillion computer games instead of anything productive. When I get like this, I could go weeks without writing anything. I try not to do that, try to reserve it for the downtimes when I'm cleansing my mental palate after completing a project, but I'm taking a rest before beginning something new. Typically I break for two weeks after wrapping up a book, though I have screwed around for as long as month before getting back to work. Good times.

Now I'm on the cusp of completing a project, 8800 words to go. I'll write at least 2200 more words today, maybe as much as 3300 if the writing is good. Tomorrow I will wrap things up. More than once, over the last fourteen days, I wanted to say fuck it and screw around instead. Not that I don't love writing, but this schedule has been grueling. But I stuck to it.

To do that, I dangled little carrots (and yes, I fell for it). Once I met my goal for the day, I could do something fun. Watch a movie, whatever. My incentive for completing the project is a nice dinner out with my husband and new handbag from a store at Mundo E that imports delightfully gaudy purses from India. I'll post a pic of the one I buy as a reward for finishing.

How do you guys keep yourself focused?

Labels: Workshop Wednesday, writing

random link -- Hello, boys and girls. This link is going to help you a lot. It's not just for authors; it will work for anyone who needs a crappy excuse for why they didn't do something. Here are some gems.

"Charlton Heston forced me to destroy Bill Clinton."
"Jesse the Body was visiting my trailer." (And you know you don't take off on Jesse the Body.)
"I was teaching my child how to clean our AK47."
"I was busy fidgeting." (I like that one.)

random update -- everyone said it was crazy, everyone said it wouldn't work, but I'm 13K away from finishing this thing. By my current estimates I should finish on Thursday. Yesterday was a long-ass day for me. I wrote 7K (yeah, you read it right), and then at 11pm I waded into Guide for the bazillionth time and did some more comma wrangling. I had to get it done or I'd have thrown off my writing schedule for today. The other option was putting it off until Thurs/Friday but my editor said she needed it Friday, so I cowboyed up and got 'er done. It was almost 2 when I crawled into bed, though, and I'm tired as hell. Anyone tells you writing isn't work, you punch em in the face.

random pr0n email -- Got another funny one, this time from Annabelle. SEXUALLY EXPLICIT -- old school cartoons fuck like wildebeests. Really? Awesome! I hope they have some Granny / Sylvester the Cat videos. And I always wanted to see Porky do Elmer. My dreams have at long last come true.

random endorsement -- I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I saw Music and Lyrics over the weekend and I liked it. Hugh Grant imbues the role of aging popstar with an incredible amount of charm, and Drew is not her usual perky self. In fact she's downright neurotic, but it works on her. It's a happy two hours of mind-candy, and it doesn't make you think too hard, but it's clever and funny and cute, and it breaks a number of rom-com conventions. For instance, there is no courtship per se. On one occasion, Hugh tells Drew she looks "mangy". I died laughing. If you like your rom-coms on the quirky side, this might surprise you.

And th-th-th-that's all folks! Back to the grind for me.

Labels: Random Tuesday

Fucking characters.

One character, who shall remain nameless (you know who are, bitch) is just so goddammned stubborn. For the first time in my life, I'm writing a series, ya'll. And I have some idea where the story arc is going.

This character is such a hobag. She thinks with her vagina. I've never had a character so obsessed with sex. No matter what I'm writing, how I'm advancing the plot, doing cool stuff like foreshadowing, all she can think about is when she's gonna get laid and with whom.

Last night, around 8 p.m., our conversation went something like this:

Her: "Come on, just let me sleep with him. Sex doesn't have to take place within the confines of a relationship. I'm a modern woman and I NEED TO GET LAID. So go on, just write the scene for me, okay? You know you want to."

Me: "Look, I don't want you having sex with every guy that comes into the book. That will turn you into just another MarySue Slutbag that nobody wants to read about. I'm going to make your story different, goddammit. And that means you're not sleeping with anybody until we're several books into this thing and I have a feel for your relationships. I'm also going to take reader feedback into consideration when deciding who you end up with. I am in charge here, now STFU and pick up the chihuahua."

Her: "Readers will understand that I have NEEDS, yo. Just write me one sex scene. It doesn't have to mean anything. Your readers will be disappointed if you write a whole book with no sex. How can you do that to them? Traitor! Now how about him? Or him? No, okay, well, I'll take some cyber with--"

Me: "Don't even start with the traitor thing, you know that's why I have separate pen names. This isn't an Annie Dean story. You're such a stubborn bitch."

Her: "Takes one to know one."

So we're kinda stalemated on this sex issue. I don't want to point her vagina at the nearest male character and say, "Shazam." I want to build some relationships and intriguing possibilities before I let her have the sex. Unfortunately she's not big on self-denial. Lord help us both.

Are your characters such stubborn bitches? If so, how do you haul their asses back in line?

Labels: SBD

I want to extend a big thank you to everyone who helped make this contest a rousing success. Congrats to Carrie Lofty, who walked away with a cool $50 to spend at Amazon. Maybe she'll tell us what goodies she bought.

For everyone who visited for the first time, thanks for stopping by. I hope it won't be your last. This is Tom Bodett and I'll leave the light on for you.

Wait, I'm not Tom Bodett. This is Annie Dean, and I want to make you laugh. So click this link. Thanks again, everyone. Come Monday I'll have some tasty bitchin' for you. Ya'll come back now, hear?

Labels: Odd Friday

As it's Ebook Thursday, I have a review over on It's Not Chick Porn.

This is a pretty exciting day, as it marks the 100th post on this little blog. To commemorate this occasion, I'm going to run a contest. I want 100 comments on this blog entry. Yep, you heard right. Tell your friends. Post more than once. Post your grocery list, post whatever, I don't care. Let's talk about sex, baby, let's talk about you and me... sorry, I'm good now.

Whoever posts the 100th comment on this topic gets a $50 gift certificate from Amazon or a big box of Godiva chocolates, whichever makes you happiest. No, you can't have both. You must choose. If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. Want it?

Let's get this party started.

Labels: contest, Ebook Thursday

Meet Dev from TEMPTATION. No, it's not perfect. I picture him having more golden hair and skin, longer hair. But the face is pretty close.

And here's Teresa. I picture her hair as being wilder, wavier when it's down but the overall look is right.

When I'm working on a project, I almost always find an image that represents the main characters. Sometimes I cast the whole book in my head. I find it helps me to describe the characters better if I look at actual faces. I try not to make the comparisons because that's lazy and it might date the book, but in my head...

So how do you guys bring your characters to life?

Labels: Workshop Wednesday, writing

random link -- Feeling guilty because you haven't updated your blog in a while? Here's a way for you to give your readers something to ponder and the best part is, it involves absolutely NO work on your part. That's right, just click here. It will ramble in a way that makes you homesick for your grandpa Claude, yeah, the one who used to pee behind the barn when he thought nobody was watching. Just cut and paste and you'll have a masterpiece that will leave your readers going WTF in a special way.

random update -- I have a lead on some exciting news, but it would be premature to discuss it. I'll say more when my ducks are in a row or my evil plot comes to fruition, or maybe my ducks will have fruit. Who the hell knows? I'm on a 5K a day writing schedule right now and I've sort of lost touch with reality. I answer e-mails when I remember I have e-mail, but again, my blog-hopping presence will be diminished until I spank this bitch of a book and call it Mommy. Please remember that I love you all. *blows kisses Eva Peron-style* Don't cry for me, Argentina, but I want some real tears from you, Portugal.

In other news, I found Bham over on Literotica. Has Bam finally gone around the corner to crazy Cellie fangrrl and is now writing Black Dagger fan-fic? (Nope. It's a story about black cop doing a white girl hard. Actually it's not bad as far as a dirty smut goes. I kinda like the pure nasty raunchiness of the last line.) What was I doing finding crazy shit on Literotica when I'm supposed to be writing?

Look, a duck!

random endorsement -- C'mere, lemme tell you a secret. When I'm feeling all girlie, I watch Return to Me and just snivel over the way David Duchovny loses his wife. He's adorable in this movie, I'm talking 'bout give you sugar diabetes sweet, and Minnie Driver is cute too. Sure, it's pure syrup, all the stuff of soap opera meets Hallmark Presents but I love the hell out of it anyway.

I also can't get enough of the Scissor Sisters. I Don't Feel Like Dancin' is almost hypnotic. What's not to like about a dude in tight pants singing in falsetto? Maybe the tight pants are why he sings in falsetto. Anyway, they remind me of the BeeGees or even ABBA, but WTF, they're my guilty pleasure, along with Baskin Robbins Love Potion #31 and Manimal reruns. Hey, that show was years ahead of its time. He could turn into ANY animal. Shut up.

Labels: Random Tuesday

Since it's Monday, I know you expect me to have something to bitch about. I won't disappoint you two weeks in a row, though I really should be writing. This one will be quick and to the point.

Hello, foolish authors. Why do you waste time messing with readers, starting little kitty fights on the Internet? Why do you spend valuable writing time whinging over bad reviews? Do you not understand that if you spent more time working on your craft and less time crying because you're not famous, you might get somewhere?

Yes, because you're an author people get to take shots at your work, your life and sometimes your dog (but hopefully not literally). Put up with it. If you go around starting fights with people, you will get a rep and not a good one. So please, for the love of all gods and sacred things, stop acting like such pussies. You have them, you don't need to be them. Get a bitching buddy, vent in e-mails and let this crazy shit go. You have books to write.
Would you storm into your boss's office at General Electric and call him a doody-head because he didn't like your energy saver proposal for a kitchen stove? I thought not.

I cannot say this enough -- be professional.

Labels: SBD

You go, Grandma! But damn, Maria might want to kick it down a notch. At 98, she's got a man 40 years her junior begging for some love. Read the full story here.

And here are our big winners for odd searches this week:

she's peeing on his face
Not on this blog, she's not.

her armpit sweat
I don't sweat, I glow.

foul mouthed sluts
Yeah, you came to the right place. We've got those.

pineapple juice + tastier sperm
Yep, you got it. This works. Stay away from curry. Mango is also good.

organic shaving market
A big fat "huh" on this one.

why is oatmeal good for skin
I'm glad you asked. Oatmeal absorbs excess oils and possesses an exfoliant property, which leaves your skin rosy. I recommend a fine milled homemade honey oatmeal soap for the prettiest you ever.

News: THE AVERAGE GIRL'S GUIDE TO GETTING LAID release date changed to April 17!

This weekend I'll be working the International Fair at Greengates (over 50 booths, featuring excellent food and native crafts) and rocking my Lord of the Rings beta account (Thanks, Ex! *smooches*). Have a good one, ya'll.

Labels: Odd Friday

"We're thrilled to announce that Loose Id has been recognized as a publisher by the Romance Writers of America. That means our authors are now eligible for RWA's Published Author Network (PAN), whether they're in print or e-book. PAN membership gives you access to special RWA forums for published authors, as well as a dedicated series of PAN workshops at the RWA National conference. You'll also be eligible to enter the Ritas, RWA's prestigious award for published books.

You'll be seeing more ads for Loose Id books in the Romance Writers Report (RWA's monthly magazine), and we hope you take this opportunity to promote your own books now that they're recognized. We'll have a press release shortly announcing this to the world, but we wanted you to be the first to hear it."

Big props to Loose Id, authors and staff. We're all official and shit.

PS - I have a review over on It's Not Chick Porn, as today is E-book Thursday. Check it out. It's a good 'un.

Labels: Ebook Thursday