Free Loot Friday

You know, sometimes I think I’m going about this blogging thing all wrong. Everyday I try to come up with something interesting that’ll make y’all wanna come back.

Now I’m thinking I’ll go at this from another angle, at least on Fridays.

You’ve gotten a free ride off me long enough. It’s time for you to entertain me!

So here’s the deal. Every other week (that’d be every second Friday) I’m gonna pose a question and the best answer wins a prize. This time, I’m asking:

What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

Toilet paper stuck to your shoe? Skirt tucked up in your hose at church and nobody told you? Spilled a pitcher of tea into your boss’s lap?

I wanna hear about it! Make me laugh, make me cringe, make me feel sorry for you. But make me feel something, for sure, because if I’m bored, you don’t get the prize.

And it’s worth winning. Ever thought about picking up Lisa Kleypas’s contemporary, but you weren’t sure you wanted to invest that much in a hardback you aren’t sure you’ll like? I have a copy of Sugar Daddy with your name on it. Well, not literally. But if you win it by sharing your most embarrassing moment, you could write all over it, cos I’ll mail it to you.

Here’s the rules. You have until Monday at noon to post your story here in comments. On Monday afternoon, we’ll vote on the best story, and on Tuesday, I’ll send your book! Sound fun? Let’s get started.

And two weeks from now we’ll go again. No, I’m not telling you the question or the book you could win. You have to come back to find out.

Go on, you may as well bookmark me on your favorite places, cos you know you can’t resist free books. You’ll be back.

PS – if you wish to enter under a nom de plume, I completely understand.

Posted in contest, free loot friday, fun stuff

22 Responses to Free Loot Friday

  1. QB says:

    Geez, just send the damn book to Rhian and be done with it!

    Her “Rhian Speaks in Public” stories are legendary!

  2. Ann Aguirre says:

    Bah, I know you could beat falling off a stage if you put your mind to it!

  3. April says:

    I’m not really entering your contest since I work in the industry and consider myself exempt, but I wanted to share my embarrassing moments. :)

    Actually … I call them my Kodak Moments. Kodak Moment #1 is probably my most embarrassing, but here’s nine of them:

  4. Ann Aguirre says:

    Holy hurl, Batman.

    Those with a weak stomach might wanna hesitate about clicking that link. April has captured all the visceral excitement of puking unexpectedly.

    Damn. I need some 7-Up. :O

  5. Wicked Writes says:

    This is the most recent thing I can think of. I should have been embarassed but I’m just not that type of gal. Everyone else was embarassed though so that should count.

    I rise late from le boudoir and feel like dinner instead of a late lunch. I know the Chinese place across the street has great deals and I quite fancy some of the ‘special mixed meat curry’. It tastes divine going in but ends up watery coming out the back door.

    So? I figure everyone gets the bum squirts now and then and it’s no bid dealio. I’ll just wear a panty liner to keep my knickers from getting streaked.

    Eventually the ass gushing stops and I am left with a smelly toilet and a rubbish bin in my bathroom full of poopy panty liners.

    I forget about it. I can sort it out later. There is some serious ovarian histronics happening because Tarzan is on tv and he is FINE.

    The phone rings. I am selling a fishtank and some dude wants to come pick it up and pay me monies.

    Whatever. Back to Tarzan.

    Now, I live with 2 bastard catses. Babycat is an adult but behaves like a toddler on a sugar high and Afrocat is the grumpiest bitch on the block. Both are going full scale maddo running up and down my hallway and in and out of all the rooms.

    I ignore them and watch more smexy Travis Fimmel. I pray his lil buttflap thing will fall off but it doesn’t.

    Doorbell rings and dude is here for the tank. He pays me and I leave him to pick up the tank and get the hell out.


    There is an almighty skidding, banging and mewling screech.

    I roll my eyes. Cats.

    Dude is leaving and needs me to hold open the front door for him. I am a lazy pig and huff about leaving my tv. We head into the hallway and nearly get tripped up by Afrocat being pursued by Babycat.

    The smell hits me first…

    Uh oh. Shit.

    Afrocat gallops past us wearing a couple of my used vag liners complete with skiddy crap marks. She is furiously trying to outrun Babycat and get the sticky pads off at the same time. She looks like she is having a seizure and the smell is enough to make you gag.

    The dude looks disgusted and then looks everywhere but at me and makes some comment about the weather. The weather? WTF? Did he not just see the funneh? My cats are cute and he should be cooing and awwing over their splendidness. So what if one has a few ass gravy painted panty liners stuck to her? She was PLAYING. I resist the temptation to ask him if he wants to stroke my pussy… It is hard.

    I give him mercy and reach down to pick Afrocat up. She glares at us with hatred. Her growling sounds like a rottweiler and she twitches trying to get the pads off. I peel the shitty liners off her (taking a good lump of fur off too) and release the poofball. She saunters off to watch us from a more queenly vantage point. Babycat follows her.

    I am pushing dude out towards the front door with the liners wadded up in my fist.

    I manage to peek in the bathroom on the way past and see the bin is on it’s side and the contents are strewn all over the floor.

    Oh well. These things happen. I hold the door open for dude, thank him for the money and smile. He looks green. I offer him my hand to shake and he visibly winces before rushing away as fast as possible. Kinda rude, if you ask me.

    Anyway. I put the rubbish back in the bin, tied the bag and disposed of it properly. I also washed my hands and then went back to watching TV. Deadwood would be on soon. I likes me some sweary western fun!

  6. Ann Aguirre says:

    Can I just say… holy crap?

    We have a dark horse in the lead, ladies and …well, ladies. I rarely get gents up in here.

    Wicked Writes swoops in out of nowhere and comes up with a story that has left me wide-eyed and wincing. Which is hard to do at the same time. Daaaaaaaaaaaamn.

  7. April says:

    Wicked Writes … whew! That beats my falling naked in the school showers any day. I could just feel your pain, and still, I couldn’t help laughing. :-D

  8. Robin says:

    Well I certainly can’t hope to compete with the panty liner story, but here’s mine anyway.

    Years ago, I was on day 3 of my first serious career-track job. My company was hosting a seminar presenting our project to 500 industry leaders. My mentor, a corporate heavy-hitter, forgot to order a translator for a non-English speaking government official who was due to speak. In a bind, he “asked” me whether I would be willing to stand up in front of 500 VIP’s to do simultaneous translation (which I’d never done before). Remember it’s just my 3rd day on the job. I was backed into a corner and said yes. Only catch? The ^%$%$#[email protected]# Minister had never had anyone translate before AND NEVER STOPPED TO LET ME SPEAK! By the time he’d droned on for 5 straight minutes I’d completely forgotten what he’d said when he started! I literally froze halfway through and stood there with my mouth hanging open until the Mayor stood up from the audience and finished the translation. And to top it off, afterwards the Deputy Mayor had the nerve to tell me “wow, you really screwed up out there, didn’t you?”! Utter and total humiliation which took over a year to live down. I’m cringing at the mere memory.

    Totally unrelated PS There’s a little something for you on my blog:

  9. Estella says:

    I don’t think anyone can top Wicked Writes!

  10. charleneteglia says:

    Snort. Like I’m gonna answer that in public.

  11. danetteb says:

    I can’t think of a recent embarrassing moment, so I’m going ol school. When I was in middle school I used to dance and we had a performance at a fair, we were doing a fifty’s dance with poodle skirts and tube tops. We we’re dancing to Rock Around The Clock, towards the end of the performance my top started to slide off and one of my “girls” was showing. I didn’t notice until I got off stage, but my parents got it on video and they never let me down for it, after it happened they’d ask me if I wanted to watch it during famoly parties. I can laugh about it now at least. :D

  12. Michele Lee says:

    After replacing my eww face at reading the poopy story with my brave face…

    My dad watched the doctors stitch me up after I gave birth to my son. Like stared holes in me, watching. I was going in and out and the husband was at the nursery with the new kiddo. I couldn’t say anything and no one else did either.

    Absolutely horrified, to this very day it gets a reaction out of me.

  13. KimW says:

    ooh, I want to read that book! I’ll have to give it a go….fortunately, or unfortunately in this case, I don’t have too many embarrassing moments and nothing like already posted. Wincing on that one, too. lol I can only thing of one time a few years back when I accidentially tucked my skirt into my pantyhose when I was in the bathroom. I worked in a large office building at the time. I went all the way from the lobby area to my office with my behind hanging out. I saw a few snickers and wondered what was up. It wasn’t until I walked through the door of where I worked and the receptionist started laughing at me when I passed by that I knew. Of course I had no panties on so that made it even worse.

  14. Seeley deBorn says:

    I’m pretty hard to embarass. I’ve tripped over things, fallen down and bumped my head on stuff more times than I can count. I’m accident prone; you get used to it and eventually start ignoring it.

    I did sneeze once with pudding in my mouth and blew it out my nose all over the lunchroom table in junior high.

  15. Rhian / Crowwoman says:

    Sadly enough I have tons of embarrassing stories and falling off the stage wasn’t the worst of them. Throwing up on the mayor and bank president while doing a flyover of the city – yeah – that one was most embarrassing. they never let me play CEO with the big boys again. Babies.

  16. Tumperkin says:

    There are so many to choose from.

    There was the time I knocked out half of my front tooth by head-butting a mirror (accidentally – I was trying to apply eyeliner while very very drunk). There was the time I snogged The. Ugliest. Man. In. The. World. outside a 24 hour garage (while very very drunk). Is a theme emerging here? But actually, my very most embarassing story involves no alcohol and comes from my childhood. To appreciate it’s significance, you have to understand that I am an Officially Aspiring Author.

    When I was a brownie (a kind of junior girl scout in the UK) I went for my Creative Writing Badge. And failed. I was TURNED DOWN. I was NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

    Yes – I got my very first rejection when I was SEVEN.

    THAT, my friends, is embarrassing.

    (PS – I have just opened a bottle of wine and am settling down to read Seven Days *rubs hands together with glee*).

  17. Debra says:

    I was in a lab and with the professor standing them I turned ont he faucet and the water come out the side part and hit me right inthe chest and I had to continue on and do the lab. I know the professor wanted to laugh

  18. L says:

    I can remember a time long, long ago. I was a mm, clumsy child and I lived with oldest sister.

    Who obviously hated me, because she made go to a church where old people said “bless your heart” like I was diseased for being biracial. That’s not the worst of it, though.

    She made me wear a gigantic poofy dress. Gigantic as in…you can move without toppling over.

    So I waddled like a penguin to church.

    I was like, five, and there was a boy who was cuter than cute, but who is now uglier than ugly.

    I sat down looking away from him…

    onto air…

    and flat on my ass.

    Nobody helped me up or nothing.

    The poofy skirt flipped up and out onto my face showing off my underwear to the formerly cute but now very ugly boy.

    I died. Like five times.

    It took people like ten minutes to help the poofy dressed one up.

    There was no hurrying.

    That was the moment when I realized I had the potential to be the greatest pyromaniac a five year old could be.

    Long story, short, my sister shipped me back to my parents.

  19. L says:

    In order of all the words left out and for the sake of grammatical justice:

    my, me, n’t,

  20. Chumplet says:

    Many moons ago, when I was a young lass, I went to my boyfriend’s family’s place for a New Year’s dinner. Being nervous, I sequestered myself in the bathroom for a short session, and promptly caused the toilet to overflow. I was mortified. I wanted to go home right away.

    The next Christmas, my boyfriend’s big brother presented me with a gift-wrapped plunger. I wanted to punch him.

  21. Anonymous says:

    School over and headed for the school bus when I realized I forgot a book. Went back to class and there by my desk is this Kotex feminine napkin on the floor. I am so embarrassed and didn’t want anyone else seeing it so I stay squatted down over it pretending to be looking for other things in my desk until the classroom empties; all the time hoping and praying the bus does not leave without me.


  22. Ann Aguirre says:

    Contest is over, y’all. Voting commences now!

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