Ann Aguirre

Next week, I have something cool planned. I’m calling it Early Christmas, and I’ll be featuring five amazing authors, who have been kind enough to participate in what I call Speed Blogging. I ask them for their inspiration for a particular book in 100 words or less, so I’ll have that along with some very fangirl squeeing. So if you’ve ever wondered what jumpstarted Eve Kenin’s creative engines for Driven, or why Eileen Wilks wrote the Lupi books, or how Jeri Smith-Ready conceived the idea behind the Aspect of Crow series, you won’t want to miss Early Christmas.

I’ll have a speed blog from Eve on Monday, something from Eileen on Tuesday, and Jeri on Wednesday. But I’m not gonna tell you what’s in store for Thursday and Friday.

Why am I calling it Early Christmas? Well, because I’m putting together a prize package of books that have rocked my world this year. And you’ll get a contest entry for your first comment, and then an extra one for every twelve comments (yes, for the twelve days of Christmas, aren’t you clever?!) you make on my blog that whole week. The big winner will walk away with five free books from Amazon (which includes three from the authors mentioned above, and two special mystery titles to be announced later). There will be random, surprise gifts awarded at any time as well.

**This post is for entertainment purposes only. No authors were harmed in the making of this post. Random facts have been invented, and any use of scientific terminology has been cobbled together from cereal boxes, an old Latin grammar book, and the Internet. God help us all. Any resemblance to real persons is strictly coincidental. Do not taunt happy fun ball… erm, right, on with the show!

Stage 1:
The Aspirant
This is where an otherwise normal person has somehow become infected with the need to write. I theorize that it may involve being bitten by a rare insect, diptera novelis, but have no proof at this time to substantiate my findings. Unfortunately, there is no cure.

An Aspirant generally comes in two age-ranges. The first is a SAHM (stay at home mom). She has held a number of day jobs, but after popping out a few kids, it was decided (probably in some Shirley Jackson-style lottery) that it would be better if she stayed home to nurture the family’s young. This may have sounded like a good idea to her as well, but bear in mind, she was probably dangerously sleep-deprived when she made the decision. Now her little rugrats and curtain climbers are about to drive her insane. To keep from winding up on the evening news for doing horrible things to them, she decides to write a book. (Because yeah, that will reduce her stress.) But bear in mind, she doesn’t know what’s coming down the pike, or she’d probably take up macramé instead. Or maybe get a nice part time job at the video store in the evenings. They give you free rentals, you know.

The other class of Aspirant is an empty-nester. Maybe she always had the desire to write, but she got very involved in the lives of her offspring, or maybe she’s just tired of working for Mr. Gilderstein down at the insurance office. In any case, now she has a lot more time on her hands since the kids went to college. Well, she has loved romance novels for years, so now she’ll write one, by golly! How hard could it be? (I know, right?)

By either avenue, the Aspirant arrives on the Internet, bright-eyed and full of hope and wonder. (Don’t worry, the denizens of the ‘net will soon crush her hopes and dreams, then stomp all over her tender soul.) The Aspirant lurks on editor and agent blogs, hoping to pick up some crucial piece of information, and is disappointed to discover the existence of “form rejection letters” and the “slush pile.” She may post a question or two that everyone else already knows the answer to, but she does it anonymously, and doesn’t realize that agents / editors never answer questions on their blogs. The aspirant may or may not have completed a manuscript by the time she arrives on the Internet.

After an indeterminate period of time, she may evolve into…

Stage 2:
The Blogwriter

Blogs are great for getting your name out there, right? Therefore it makes good marketing sense to start a blog. They’re easy, cheap (sometimes free!) and they offer an instant forum for whatever one wants to blather about.

For the Blogwriter, topics center around her writing goals, submissions she’s made (and possibly rejections received), snippets of her incomplete manuscript, and near brushes with greatness (expect namedropping in this case). There will also be posts about the Blogwriter’s pets and/or offspring. She may use the word “pre-published.” In some instances, the Blogwriter may even post interviews with her own characters, or write the blog solely from their perspective. I will not comment on this practice.

The Blogwriter may carry on in such fashion indefinitely, ever so pleased that she’s getting her name out there. Until it occurs to her that she hasn’t had a comment in the (three, six?) months she’s been blogging away. Well, crap. What’s the fun of blogging if nobody reads it?! Sadly, the adage if “if you build it, they will come” does not apply to blogging. I’m not sure that applies to baseball fields in the middle of nowhere either, but I digress.

Sadly, Blogwriter blogs have a low chance of becoming popular. Why? Well, a variety of reasons. Readers frequent blogs for two reasons: they love your writing (and being famous already doesn’t hurt) or they heard you’re giving out prizes. Many bloggers view the Blogwriter as an upstart. Why, I’ve been blogging since Bravenet was the only place you could get a free blog! Young whippersnapper, they mutter. The only thing that can save a Blogwriter from obscurity is really fresh content (that means breaking from the formula described above) or evolving as an author to a new level (and taking the blog with them).

The Blogwriter may tire of talking to herself, and thus she enters…

Stage 3:
The Eager Beaver

The Eager Beaver has a blog nobody reads. So she stops lurking and goes on a posting spree. She comments on every post anyone else makes about anything. She may ask people to visit her blog in return. She might post a silly signature like “Hugs and Kisses”, along with her name, and a link to her site. She may talk about her work where it doesn’t relate.

It will not be unusual to find ten to twenty comments from her in a discussion. She wants people to know her name, dammit. She will email a lot of people who have no idea who she is and ask for reciprocal links. This is because she hopes it will increase her blog traffic, but what she doesn’t realize is that almost nobody looks at anyone else’s links. ‘Net denizens are like water buffalo; long ago, we wore a virtual rut with our surfing, and we’re wary of alternate routes. We almost never deviate, and when we do, we feel cranky about it, like we’re daring this new blog to be any good. Mostly we click on unknown links when we’re promised something mean, something shocking, or the next shitfest. But Eager Beaver doesn’t know that.

Eager Beaver may continue her comment spree, earnest and bright-eyed, desperate for attention and acceptance, until she runs afoul of the old school bloggers, who will make such comments as “Who the hell is this…?”, “She’s everywhere!” and possibly, “This has to be someone running a sock puppet on my blog! I’m checking the ISP.” If Eager Beaver continues, she may be confronted with, “You post so much, I don’t know how you find time to write.”

Ouch. This shot may jolt her into one of the other stages, or alternately, she makes A Sale. In which case, she might proceed directly to…

Stage 4:
Diva

The Diva has made a sale. It may be to a NY publisher, or it may be to an epub. Success level does not necessarily predict the Diva’s behavior. She will tell everyone about the sale on her own blog, of course, but that’s not enough. It will be mentioned in any conversation with the Diva, and any comment she makes will reference her sale in some way.

For instance, if a normal blogger posts about Laura Kinsale, the Diva will reply with something like this:

“Oh, I just love her! She’s such an amazing author, so gifted. I used to write historicals, but I just didn’t have the touch for it. Now I write contemporaries, and I have one coming from Diva Moon Press in September! Don’t miss Sugar Lips Brown by yours truly. If you like hot, sexy romances, you’re going to love this one. It’s a contemporary Kinsale!”

The Diva is tireless in pursuit of her own aggrandizement. It’s impossible to have a normal conversation with her at this stage in her development. She will perceive any attempt by colleagues to discuss their own work as a threat and she will respond accordingly. The Diva still has illusions about the glamorous life of a romance writer; she imagines chocolate bon bons, feather boas, pool boys named Raoul, and constant media attention. Her attempts at self-promotion will frighten small children and animals. She will likely not meet her deadlines.

The Diva does not yet realize she will be inundated with work, and that a sale to a publisher does not guarantee reader accolades / high sales revenue. She may post rants about her editor, whine to her associates about her agent not understanding her vision, and/or complain that her publisher isn’t running a special publicity campaign for her extra special debut. Her first review may startle her into another phase, such as…

Stage 5:
Laughing All the Way to the Bank

LAtWttB has anywhere between two and twenty sales beneath her belt. But she does not respond well to criticism. Any implication that her work is anything less than divine and handed down by the Almighty pisses her off. She will respond in a variety of ways, including, but not limited to:

“I’m laughing all the way to the bank.”
“All the other reviewers loved this.”
“Obviously, you just weren’t smart enough to get my work.”
“Stop reading my books. I have tons of loyal readers, and I don’t need nitpickers.”
“This book has sold better than all my others combined.”
“You’re mean!”
“This is slander* and I’m contacting my attorney. Please don’t post about me or my work on the Internet anymore.”

Deep down, however, LAtWttB does care deeply what people think and will be found on reader blogs and forums, wading in with her shitkickers on. She lives to argue with readers and is hopeful that one day she will get the collective Internet to issue an apology, and admit that her work is, in fact, the best thing since sliced bread. An author can linger in this stage for years, like a wasting sickness. And some authors remain locked here for the duration of their careers.

Others move on to…

Stage 6:
Workhorse

Authors who fall into this category have seen (or been) all of the above, and still care about writing. They’ve learned that the job is all the matters. They’ve learned to be respectful of readers in public, no matter what they think in private. They post on the Internet rarely, and only when they have something valuable or witty to contribute.

Mostly, they stay busy writing books. They meet their deadlines. They want to write the best books they can, and they want to make their readers happy. They apologize when they get stuff wrong, and they move on. Drama does not interest them in more than a passing fashion because… duh. They have work to do.

So… did I miss anything?

#7 dangling dick pix (Come on, really? I thought I had made it crystal clear how I feel about candids of the dangly bits.)

#8 girlie sci-fi (check)

#9 gaudy purses (oh, double check!)

And #10… you ready?

emo olympics.

I must’ve used that phrase or something, but I’m pretty sure there is no such thing. Sorry, it’s just a figure of speech. But what events would that involve? Sighing, painting your nails black, leaning on stuff, letting your hair fall in your eyes, and piercing random body parts? Anyhow, it’s been too long since I posted a hot emo boy for your pleasure.

His name is Romeo (really? well, that’s what his profile says), and he’s from El Salvador. He likes long walks on the beach (at night!) and listening to the Cure; and his turnoffs include sunlight, bright clothing, and people who smile a lot. (I just made most of that up.)

Enjoy.

PS - You’re allowed to admire him in an aesthetic sense, but don’t go thinking impure thoughts. He’s only 17. But don’t despair — you can lust after Harry Potter legally now!

Seriously, though… (OMG, I can’t believe I baited you in here with a hot emo boy pic and then sprang an issue on you! It’s diabolical.) I was reading a story on Reuters called Older White Women Join Kenya’s Sex Tourists. The gist is how well-to-do baby boomers in their 50s and 60s head to Kenya, and pick up some hot young 20-something. The ladies play sugar mama for the duration of their vacations, buying presents and providing walking around money for their boytoys while they’re around.

“It’s not love, obviously. I didn’t come here looking for a husband,” Bethan said over a pounding beat from the speakers.

“It’s a social arrangement. I buy him a nice shirt and we go out for dinner. For as long as he stays with me he doesn’t pay for anything, and I get what I want — a good time. How is that different from a man buying a young girl dinner?”

I’m not quite sure how I feel about this. I mean, in one sense, it’s clearly not prostitution. They’re not exchanging currency directly for sex. It’s a bit more muddied than that. Part of me wants to say, “Have fun!” to these adventurous old chicks. I mean, they’re widowed or single, looking for a good time? If they can attract a hot stud with their bankrolls, why not?

However, I do think it’s creepy when old dudes keep chasing young tail, so why do I think it’s ok for a woman to get some this way? That makes me feel like I have a double-standard, which I don’t like to admit.

Do these men feel devalued? Or are their lives such that they’re just happy to get what they get out of it? What bothers me is inequity or imbalances in power in a relationship, but this is more of a vacation fling, so as long as both parties are legal, single, and nobody gets hurt, what’s the harm?

These are the bookmarks that will be available at various events, starting with RT. I’d only intended to get a few hundred, but since Bettie did such an amazing job on them, I’m definitely getting a bunch. What do you think? Pretty hot, right?

The Bettie of whom I speak is, of course, Bettie Sharpe, who wrote the awesome serial story Ember, which has been running weekly on Bam’s blog. She’s also got a novella, Like a Thief in the Night, coming out with Samhain in January. “She’s a heartless assassin; he’s an immortal thief. In another life, they would have been lovers. In this one, he’s her target and she’s his prize.” What could possibly be better than that? Well, only a full length novel. You’re not going to want to miss it.

How did I wind up with Bettie doing design work for me? Well, I fell in love with the cover for Ember, and I surfed over to her website, where I found a gorgeous banner for her novella as well. So I emailed her to ask who does her design work. Imagine my surprise when I found out she’s a double-threat, an amazingly gifted author who can design gorgeous stuff like this too. Holy crap. I hired her immediately, and set her to work making beautiful things for me too. Mwahahaha!

But it’s hard to celebrate a holiday that isn’t a holiday. This has been a tough week. I’m happy to report that the Tuesday night run to the hospital wasn’t as bad as we thought, and my daughter’s doing fine. But I’m frazzled.

Because I don’t feel up to a lengthy blog entry, I’m just gonna post this. The cover flats came in the mail this week (yay!) and I did the best I could with our scanner. Click on the pic for a better look. It’s even better in person, soooo glossy and shiny.

Pretty cool, huh?

This one looked fun, so I wanted to play. Plus it’s an easy blog topic, and I’m writing today, plus working on proofs.

1.YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet & current car):
Bo Malibu

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie):
Rum Raisin Maple (Hm, not much of a gangster)

3. YOUR “FLY Girl” NAME (first initial, first 3 letters of last name):
A-Agu (sounds like spaghetti sauce or a rare strain of flu)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (favorite color, favorite animal):
Blue Cat (Superhero, not detective)

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born):
Elle Hammond

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (first 3 letters of last name, first 2 letters of first):
Agu-An (I’m not convinced)

7. SUPERHERO NAME (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink):
Pink Sangria (What are my superpowers? Making everyone a little tipsy?)

8. NASCAR NAME (first names of your grandfathers):
Roy Oral (This sounds like a porn name)

9. STRIPPER NAME (the name of your favorite perfume, favorite candy):
Nina Godiva (That’s a damn good stripper name)

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME (mother’s & father’s middle names):
Earl Elmer (Don’t ask)

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (5th grade teacher’s last name, a city that starts with the same letter):
Jackson Jakarta (Sounds like a dude)

12. SPY NAME/BOND GIRL (favorite season/holiday, flower):
Christmas Rose (It could work…)

13. CARTOON NAME (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”):
Grape Pantie (I can’t imagine the cartoon where this would work, but I’m guessing it would be on Adult Swim)

14. HIPPY NAME (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree):
Bagel Willow (Hippy name? It almost works)

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME (”The” + your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”):
The Writing Storm Tour (It would be pretty boring to watch, though. Just me tapping away on the keyboard)

16. Your Porn Name (first pet, name of street you grew up on):
Fluffy Bailey (Hahaha, that totally works)

I’ve enjoyed my time off, but with My Valentine in the can, it’s time for me to get back to work. On Monday, I’ll be starting Doubleblind, book three in the Sirantha Jax series. Just fyi, I’ll be doing my usual 3K a day until done, which will mean I won’t be blog surfing much. If you want me, look for me here or via email. I’ll still be blogging, of course, and I always answer emails. You know where to find me.

More exciting news.

My agent has a new website design, and I’m too thrilled to be on the homepage. Go on, click it! How cool is that? Gorgeous design, and there’s Grimspace, looking mighty fine, if I do say so myself.

Oh, my editor’s assistant, Cam, emailed me to tell me that I’m getting Grimspace proofs. Since she overnighted them, I should have them by Monday. I’m so excited over that, I can’t stand it.

EDIT: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! The FedEx man just delivered my proofs. I’m looking at them RIGHT NOW. I have a title page, dedication, acknowledgments…

Now I can read the Sonchai books over the weekend! Damn, it’s been a good day. I think I need to buy a lottery ticket!

My writing gig has landed on the Autobahn, and I’m so on board.

Yesterday, I received:

Which pisses me off, as it’s the second book in the Sonchai Jitpleecheep series, and I desperately want to read it. And I can’t. Why didn’t they send it with Bangkok 8?!

I’m reading this now. So far, so good. I’m really enjoying it. It’s quite different than her usual books, but I like when an author changes things up. Her writing is actually more lyrical in this book. Good stuff.

I’ve sooo been anticipating this. I can’t wait to read it. It’s next after the Kelley Armstrong book, and you may rightfully expect squee-age. I’m gonna have so many possibilities for my November favorites contest! (You must be a loop member to enter.)

and…

Yes, I’ve already read it. How can that be, you might ask, since I just got the book? Well, I happen to have an e-ARC before the book ever came out. I’m just that cool. I also had a signed book plate ready to go, so VoC has gone into my Jeri Smith-Ready collection. I have every one of her books, signed cos she mailed me Requiem for the Devil. How awesome is that?

I’m still waiting for:

Bangkok 8 by John Burdett
Bangkok Haunts by John Burdett
Sexy/Dangerous by Beverly Jenkins
Witch Fire by Anya Bast
Forbidden by Suzanne Brockmann
Tempting Danger (The World of the Lupi, Book 1) by Eileen Wilks
Mortal Danger (The World of the Lupi, Book 2) by Eileen Wilks
Blood Lines (The World of the Lupi, Book 3) by Eileen Wilks
Perfidia by Elspeth McKendrick
An Ice Cold Grave by Charlaine Harris
Driven by Eve Kenin
Shadows at Sunset by Anne Stuart
Darkfever by Karen Marie Moning
Don of the Dead by Casey Daniels (these are Pepper Martin mysteries)
The Chick and the Dead by Casey Daniels
Tombs of Endearment by Casey Daniels
Virgin River (Virgin River Trilogy, Book 1) by Robyn Carr
Shelter Mountain (Virgin River Trilogy, Book 2) by Robyn Carr
Whispering Rock (Virgin River Trilogy, Book 3) by Robyn Carr

This is way exciting for me because I limit myself to one or two big Amazon orders a year. For someone who used to make a trip to the bookstore bi-weekly, this is a painful reduction. Hopefully, I’ll be in the States more in 2008, and I can indulge my habit. Best of all, I’m between projects so I can read a few books without feeling guilty!