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My charmed life
March 31st, 2008

Here’s an IM conversation with my husband for your enjoyment:

Lizard Sighting
Me: There was a lizard sighting. I’m still shivering!

Andres: Did the cats tromp it?

Me: Don dragged it in and maimed it, but ran off while it was still alive. I thought it was dead. Tossed a bag on it to make sure. But when I came near it with the scooper it ran. And we all screamed like little girls. It ran around and around the living room while we screamed. The cat hissed from a safe distance. We considered letting the dog in to see if she would eat it, but we ultimately vetoed the idea as too gross. Marta eventually saved us. Or I would be, right now, begging you to come home.

Andres: Stupid cat, should finish what he starts. Hee.

Me: We were terrified!

Andres: You’re all so very brave.
*you could spread the irony with a knife*

Me
: Yeah, right. It was bad enough when we thought it was dead. We all stood staring at it for a few minutes and it never moved. Don had chewed off some of its legs and feet. I had the kids get the catbox scooper. I was gonna flick it into a bag. I crept up to it, bent down, and ZOOM! It started running around on its maimed legs! I couldn’t KILL it!!!! Marta did, though. She’s a butch woman. She broke its neck with the scooper. She also looked really amused by us…

Andres: Heh heh.
*this represents my husband dissolved at his desk in helpless laughter*

Me: Could you have killed it?

Andres: At the least, could have picked it up and tossed it. Heh. But yes, I think so, dear.

Me: Then you’re almost as macho as our maid. [grin] I gave your son a chance to prove his manliness. Cos of his bragging in PV about how he isn’t scared of lizards. Turns out he is! Worse than me, he cried. I got close to the thing and would’ve flicked it into the bag if it had been dead.

Andres: Hee hee.
*more helpless laughter*

Me: He wouldn’t even try. So we’re all scared. And scarred.

Andres: You poor things. You should all get ice cream to cope.

Me: And now, Don is complaining because we threw out his lizard. He’s licking his chops at me like, I wasn’t done with that! I only ate the legs!

Andres: Heh. Iz tazts liek chikn.
*he suggests a LOLcat caption for our life*

Me: If the stupid cat pukes up lizard feet I’m giving him to the lab for drug research.
Sent at 1:50 PM on Monday

And there you have it, an excerpt from my charmed life. Enjoy!

5 comments to “My charmed life”



  1. 1

    LOL! OMG, that’s hilarious. You and your DH have interesting convos. I think he was laughing too hard to appropriately respond… but I really think you should take him up on his ice cream idea. *G*


  2. 2

    Yes, the darling little creatures called cats. It’s just wonderful when they have to prove that they really are wild and ferocious and leave you with their “left-overs”… (mental image of mouse entrails… Yuk!)


  3. 3

    Definitely, go have some ice cream.

    ::laughing helplessly myself::


  4. 4

    Ann – We have rogue frogs that live outside in a little pond in our backyard. My dachshund spends a lot of time barking at them in delighted terror. The reason they’re rogue is because the damn things jump sideways. Occasionally at night, I’ll get one that will jump into my bare legs while I’m outside with the dog.

    I totally squeal like a little girl.

    I’d imagine I’d do the same with lizards. If it makes you feel any better.


  5. 5

    Gah, frogs.

    The day ended with the cat delivering a cricket under my desk while I was in the bath room. It jumped on my foot, and I screamed, flung myself backward, tipped over my chair, and gave myself a nosebleed.

    Good times.




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