Heard in line at Walgreens, standing behind guy who was buying only Spam and Q-tips:
“The beauty of Spam is that you can use the oil it comes in, too.”
Do we want to know? I think not.
What’s the weirdest one-liner you’ve ever overheard?
Incentive: on Saturday, I will package up all the swag and free books (ones I read before getting the freebie) that I don’t want to haul home and mail the whole jackpot to one lucky winner.
Here’s a sample of what will be included…
*Charlaine Harris TruBlood prize pack (T-shirt, comic, first Sookie book)
*Titles by Kresley Cole, Victoria Alexander, Jordan Dane, Deanna Raybourn, and Kerrelyn Sparks
Sound good? Ready, set, go! Winner posted Friday evening but I need the winning address asap so I can mail your stuff before I leave SF.
Woke up to a fishy, salty smell and a rasping on my cheek: cat had decided it was time for me to wake up with a good morning kiss. Tangled in blankets and under two sleepy looking fuzzballs that weigh more than you’d think when they are laying on your legs. Hoping this does not mean our time alone together means we’re more than friends now: it’s bad enough he tries to use me to make Ann jealous, the little bastard.
Earlier in week, craved donuts. Don’t know why. Well, no, I mean, I love them but we’ve not had them at home since a certain 8 year old discovered he loved them too and it turned into a constant race between us to get to them. But I digress. Realized that the absence of this 8 year old meant I could have donuts, so spent the drive back from work humming the Simpson’s song (have the soundtrack in the car again) and straight for the bakery.
Quandary: no chocolate glazed, but still had the Homer special with pink frosting and sprinkles. Bought a dozen assorted, including the Homer. Discovered that the Homer makes my teeth ache and leaves me feeling vaguely nauseous, but dog loves it. Dog loves me again, now, too.
More later.
Later:
See, this is why I should not be allowed to go out unsupervised to run errands. I had one thing to buy. Cat litter. So I took off early from work to stop by and get the stuff, figuring it would take me all of ten minutes if I avoided the usual store and just stopped nearer to home. Which I did.
Got beer, dogtoys, a little table for the dog, a couple of cokes and some cleaning supplies (twisted semi-bachelor shopping, or what). No litter, the pet section had been turned to sports equipment and there was an old lady in the line that argued about every bloody item on the receipt. Time elapsed, 35 minutes.
Next store, near the Starbucks. Bigger store… had to walk about two blocks from side to side to get to the pet section… which had no kitty litter. Just that big lumpy stuff you can use to fill potholes with. Out of there, stop at Starbucks, get coffee… and a dilemma. I had taken Ann’s car out so it would not be sitting idle for three weeks. I had coffee. Drippy, condensation-dripping coffee with a chocolate leak somewhere that had already shot me on the chest. So: drink the thing or risk Drippies in Ann’s car. I felt like Chandler facing the crummies dilemma. Ended up gulping it, got an ice cream headache, no litter. Time elapsed, 1 hour.
Third stop… the store I had avoided going to, trying to avoid stretching the errand. Sigh. Got the litter, finally. Headache subsiding, litter in the trunk alongside the beers, dog table, dog chewtoys, grapes, cleaning supplies and my briefcase. All of which needed to be unloaded while the dog tried to trip me and Whiney Cat tried to make a break for freedom through the front door. After a lot of shouting at the animals and almost losing a beer, got everything put away, the litter box refilled, the dog table set up, beers in the fridge. Time elapsed, 1 hour, 45 minutes for a brief errand.
Pets had to settle for pet food, not cooking till Sunday, dammit.
Cats needy, out of food. Dog suspicious but cautiously glad that the object of her jealousy is out of town. Has jumped on bed three times to point out that there’s a whole side of said bed presently unoccupied. Tried watching the Orphanage with dog, she did not appreciate it as much as she does Austin Steven’s show on Animal Planet.
Work okay, but provider needy because he thinks he should be paid without actually doing anything for said paycheck. Silence at night restful, not yet to the ‘holy crap it’s quiet’ stage.
Third day: dog determined to test boundaries by pretending to be asleep when it’s time to be put out, cats testing their freedom by playing leapfrog with furniture, Ann’s chair, the telephone and “push your brother down the stairs at 3 AM”. Much caterwauling ensues.
Finished Blue Diablo, wondering if dog can be trained to read maps and dial for pizza. Shall try this weekend.
No time to be lonely yet, boss decided that I need to be more hands on in pestering people to do their jobs: facing a six day week to poke at workmen on Saturday. Oh, joy.
Supplier still whiny for being paid late for services not rendered. Bugger’s lucky I don’t charge him for wasting my time.
Will see if dog enjoys The Return with Sarah Michelle Geller more than she did Orfanato.
Addendum: Cell reception in Newark blows, or a certain pink purse is lead shielded, having hard time calling Ann to tattle on the cats. Cats watching me with baleful glares.
To quote one of the great minds of the late 20th Century,
Narf.
Week one: Somehow managed to pull a muscle on my right shoulder/neck on Thursday evening. I suspect that it’s a sign that I need to actually get up a half hour earlier to exercise, rather than spending said half hour still in bed making up reasons why exercise is ultimately bad for me anyway. Most of those involve bacon.
Weekend: Pain. Painkillers. Driving? Fun… but I do now understand Batman’s request for a cowl that lets him turn his head. Trust me, corner of the eye driving in Mexico is like Russian roulette with four loaded chambers. Only, without the vodka. Mmm, vodka…
Cats whiny… well, one cat whiny, the other spends his evenings looking superior and trying to figure out new ways to annoy his brother and the dog. Business as usual.
The younger cat has made it impossible for me to get anything done (ANYTHING, ask Ann about his habit of nudging his way into bathrooms) until I have dedicated a full hour to petting him as soon as I get home.
Dog bored of me now, I think. Even when I call her to spend time, she huffs and goes curl up on the couch downstairs. May have to do with the eight hour marathon movie session I made her watch with me this weekend of bad creature features from the 70s that I cannot normally watch with the kids around. “Humanoids from the Deep” did seem to catch the cats’ interest, but I think they just wanted to nom the big fishmen. They loved a scene where a dog gets mauled.
Sadistic beasts.
I started suspecting I may be missing Ann and the kids when I had Sunday dinner with the pets: I had steak, they had grilled, buttered fish with a hint of garlic.
Scary point: I cooked it.
Scarier point: It was pretty good, and I did not write the recipe.
At least the animals seemed appreciative right up until they ran off to play.
Getting out of Newark was a nightmare. It was like that Hotel California song. You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave.
So it was almost 2am when I landed in San Diego. I stayed in a hotel and made my way to Comic Con the next day. Comic Con is just freakin’ huge. Rather than do a complete breakdown of my time I will just hit the high points.
*Meeting Dionne
*Dinner with Laura
*Breakfast with Dionne
*Dinner with Laura, Cindy and Anne (my awesome editors)
*David Boreanaz in a T-shirt
*Panel with SF dudes
*David Brin shaking my hand and saying he enjoyed my remarks
*Actually signing a few books afterward
*Charles Stross sitting next to me, complete with yummy accent
*road trip with Chris Marie Green
At the moment, we’re in Solvang and we’re heading for San Luis Obispo this afternoon. We’ll be in SF tomorrow. Wish us luck!
Still in Newark, waiting for my flight out of here. Trip so far is going well.
In a nutshell: 17-18 ladies showed up last night.
Sarah and Katie both stroked my Juicy pink velvet (bag). Christine and I sponetaneously burst into show tunes from Little Shop of Horrors, alarming Liz Maverick and Megan Frampton.
We ate bbq and drank pretty girlie drinks, which had a hella kick. Last night was totally awesome. I had the most fun, and I’m touched that so many people showed up. I think everyone had a blast. I gave away three arcs and some pens. Loved chatting with everyone. These womenz were all younger, cuter, thinner and sexier than I could have ever imagined. It was like Sex and the City times five, yo. (Or maybe that was colored by that big ass frozen apple martini I had before my ribs?) No, we were like the Goddesses of Flatbush last night. (Don’t correct me, dammit!)
Anyway, feel free to use this post to talk about your impressions of the meet.
Congrats to the winners. If I don’t have your address within 48 hours, your prize will be delayed. See, I leave on the 21st, and I won’t have a laptop until the 24th or so.
Why?! It seems crazy for an author to travel without a laptop, you say.
I’m so glad you asked about that! Here’s the scoop. About six weeks ago, I ordered a new laptop. Features 7″ WVGA (800×480) TFT Display One-click intuitive interface
WiFi 802.11b/g
10/100 LAN
Intel Mobile CPU
Intel UMA graphics
512MB memory
2GB Flash hard drive
Memory Card Reader: MMC/SD (SDHC)
Over 40 built-in applications for learn, work and play
Linux based operating system
3 USB 2.0, 1 VGA, 1 Audio jack out, 1 Audio jack in, 1 RJ-45
Approximate Unit Dimensions: 8.86″ (W) x 6.3″ (D) x 0.79″~1.26″ (H)
Approximate Unit Weight: 2lbs
Play, relax, and entertain on the go with shock-proof design. At 7″ and weighing only 2lbs, you can take the Eee PC anywhere. Bumps and shocks are no longer issues. With a dependable solid-state disk, you get unparalleled shock-protection and reliability. Power-efficient design provides longer operating time when on the go. With a rapid start-up time that takes only 15secs to boot, the Eee PC is always ready to get into action. No technical manual required with the specially designed, User-friendly and intuitive graphic interface. You’re always connected with built-in WiFi 802.11 b/g that automatically detects and connects to the Internet at any hotspot. The Eee PC includes the documents and the e-mails software, and a suite of other Productivity software to help keep you on track.
Isn’t it cute? It’s the perfect laptop for traveling. The lightweight, ultra-sturdy part was what sold me. My Ibook is really old, and it already doesn’t latch properly from being banged around in airports. I was afraid a three week haul would do the old girl in (and I love her so). Solution? The ASUS Eee PC 2G in Blush Pink, and it’s mad cheap. I got mine for just over $300, shipping included. It runs on Linux and it doesn’t have any bells and whistles, but if you need a laptop mainly for emails and word processing when you’re on the road, it doesn’t get any better than this. I can’t wait to get my hands on it.
You still don’t understand? I know. See, I couldn’t find any merchants that would ship to Mexico, and in this model — and at this price — they were selling out fast. So I had the laptop shipped to San Diego, where it’s waiting for me in the capable hands of my agent. I’ll snag it from her on the 24th, but I’ll be on the road as of the 21st. I have a PDA that will let me stay in touch minimally, but I don’t use it for anything but putting out fires in the form of must-answer emails. I certainly will not be using it for prize fulfillment while I’m traveling.
To make a long story short, if you want your book sent before July 21, you need to send me your address before Sunday at 10pm.
Ann Aguirre
National Bestselling Author of Grimspace
“Outstanding and delicious. I can’t wait to see what she comes up with next.”—New York Times Bestselling Author Patricia Briggs
[SPINE:]
National Bestselling Author
Blue Diablo
Ann Aguirre
[BACK COVER:]
“An authentic Southwestern-flavored feast, filled with magic, revenge and romance, spiced with memorable characters and page-turning action. ¡Muy caliente!”—Rachel Caine, author of Gale Force
Right now, I’m a redhead. I’ve been blonde and brunette as the situation requires, though an unscheduled color change usually means relocating in the middle of the night. So far, I’m doing well here. Nobody knows what I’m running from. And I’d like to keep it that way…
Eighteen months ago, Corine Solomon crossed the border to Mexico City, fleeing her past, her lover, and her “gift”. Corine, a handler, can touch something and know its history—and sometimes, its future. Using her ability, she can find the missing—and that’s why people never stop trying to find her. People like her ex, Chance…
Chance, whose uncanny luck has led him to her doorstep, needs her help. Someone dear to them both has gone missing in Laredo, Texas, and the only hope of finding her is through Corine’s gift. But their search may prove dangerous as the trail leads them into a strange dark world of demons and sorcerers, ghosts and witchcraft, zombies—and black magic…
“Gritty, steamy and altogether wonderful urban fantasy.”—New York Times Bestselling Author Patricia Briggs
[FRONT (inside) – page 1 of 2]
Praise for Grimspace
“A gripping tale that will keep you turning pages well into the night. This debut novel from author Anne Aguirre is one of the best science fiction books I’ve read in a long time. Keep your eyes on this author; she’s bound to go far.”—Romance Junkies
“A hard-driving story for all science fiction aficionados.”—Romance Reviews Today
“An exciting, evocative, and suspenseful science fiction romance, reminding me of Firefly and Serenity. Characters and a world you’ll think about long after the book is done. Fascinating!”—Robin D. Owens, award-winning author of HeartMate
“A wild ride through space. This is a story which will remain with me for a long, long time to come. If you enjoy a good, character-driven science fiction romance, don’t miss this one.”—Paranormalromance.org
“This is a solid science fiction with a firm romantic thread. I’m hopeful there will be more of Jax and her universe coming soon!”—Fresh Fiction
“A terrific first novel full of page-turning action, delightful characters and a wry twist of humor. Romance may be in the air. Bullets, ugly beasties, and really nasty bad guys definitely are.”—Mike Shepherd, National Bestselling Author of the Kris Longknife series
“Fans of Anne McCaffrey’s space sagas…will want this as part of their library. The world-building process has meticulously created a plausible galaxy that explains itself as it goes along. Discovering more about the ensemble cast that Jax is the lead player for should prove fascinating.”—Huntress Reviews
continued…
[FRONT – page 2 of 2]
“It’s not just a great sci fi/romance book, it’s a great book. Period.”—The Good, The Bad, The Unread
“A seat of the pace action ride that will leave you panting as the action and tension never stops. An interesting assortment of unusual life forms, politics, flawed characters and a few heroes keep the plot fresh. The dynamics between Jax and March is just one of the assortment of subplots that keep this story tight and leave readers looking for more.”—MonstersandCritics.com
“An unflinching tale of survival, redemption, and serious ass-kicking. Jax’s brutal eloquence will twist your heart when you least expect it.”—Jeri Smith-Ready, Award-Winning Author of Eyes of Crow
“A tightly written, edge of your seat read.”—Linnea Sinclair, RITA Award-Winning Author of Gabriel’s Ghost and Games of Command
“An irresistible blend of action and attitude. Sirantha Jax doesn’t just leap off the page—she storms out, kicking, cursing, and mouthing off. No wonder her pilot falls in love with her; readers will too.”—Sharon Shinn, National Bestselling Author of Reader and Raelynx
“The sort of science fiction adventure that grabs you right from the beginning with an action-laced escape sequence, and proceeds to fire the afterburners for a long time afterwards, carrying the reader from one perilous situation to the next. Swept up in Jax’s story, I couldn’t put Grimspace down until I was done.”—SFsite.com
“Ann Aguirre has built a world that I can’t wait to come back and visit.”—Fallenangelreviews.com
I’m so blushing after reading all that stuff that’s going in the front of the book, but I’m really thrilled with the copy for Blue D. It’s wicked good, right? Now we just need some art. Next month!
Expect loads of quizzes. I’m in writing mode, so this is all you get of me for now.
You Are Reggae Music
You’re laid back, friendly, and even a bit of a bum at times.
For you, life is too short to spend your time angry at the world.
But while you don’t take life too seriously, you’re deeper than people realize.
You’re very reflective, and a few key topics (like social justice and love) are very important to you.
That’s right! I have tickets to see Hellboy 2 in VIP tonight. That’s a cinema where there are waiters to bring you stuff and you sit in a leather recliner instead of crappy theater seats. Oh yeah, I’m coming, Red! *booty dance*
Edited to add:
I’m now back from the movie and it kicks so much ass that I don’t even know where to start. This is now the official Rave about Hellboy 2 post.
