Holy Blog Of Doom, Batman! I just got slapped with a wet salmon – really – I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died… You would not believe the fairy dust I have to clean up. I prostrate myself in sorrow and beg thy forgiveness.

I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english with only your readership as life preserver, hoping you haven’t found other blogs, just generally being a nuisance to anyone unfortunate to cross my path. My day is a magical flight from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to well after sundown. I am wondering if I paid mine electricity bill. Perchance.

I swear on the bones of my ancestors if one more person emails me to ask why I haven’t posted today I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals. You wanna test me? Until my paycheck dawneth…

Whoever wrote this had a great sense of humor.

Holy Snapping Duck Do! I just got slapped with a wet salmon – really – I have not updated this since Hammertime was in the charts… You would not believe that my hands were chopped off and I was waiting for bionic ones. Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones!.

I am absolutely consumed with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, being distracted by the shiny, just generally being a terrible burden to anyone unfortunate to cross my path, my day is full to bursting from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to early afternoon. I am putting money aside so I can run away. but who cares.

I declare solemnly I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back. Well, I’ll try. Don’t hold your breath though, you’re likely to turn blue.

Good Gravy! I just got a bajillion whiny emails saying I have not updated this since I had to start working to pay the ridiculous food and petrol prices to feed my kids… You would not believe the amount they eat. But I’m sorry you’ll just have to take my word for it..

I am swamped with feeding the little people, spending my husband’s money, just generally being a mother to every man and his dog, my day seems to involve the authorities from the moment my children manage to unlock my bedroom door and use me as a jumping castle to I am begging my kid to go to sleep or so help me God that kid will be decorating my wall, ‘Duct tape still life’. I am so tired of my kids wanting me to give them attention and stuff. and that I can take that big badge off my head that says bad mother.

I won’t promise anything to you but I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back. You have my word! Unless of course the pool with the cocktail bar is heated!.