Things that Piss Me Off

People who drive in the middle of two lanes.

People who don’t own their faults.

People who write one book, spend three years revising it and getting rejections, and then say sadly, “I don’t think I can start over.” Guess what? This business is about writing books, most likely many of them, unless you’re Harper Lee (and you’re probably not), and if you don’t want to write another book, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? Sure, nobody likes to fail, but the business could use less whiners and more workers.

People who don’t apologize when it’s due.

People who talk on the cell phone while driving.

People who think the world owes them something.

Dogs who eat my lunch and think it’s cool. (I’m really talking about one dog in particular here. Bitch.)

People who want “tips” that substitute for hard work.

People who fondle me when we meet because they think they know me from reading my books.

People who Follow / Unfollow me repeatedly on Twitter to get my attention. (I’ve set those notices to go straight into my trash now. You’re not even hitting my inbox, people. So stop it. Either you’re interested in what I have to say or you’re not.) Let me be clear: these follow / unfollows would take place in the space of an hour or two, most times when I wasn’t even twittering.

People who spam their links all over my Facebook page, send me 12 messages, randomly IM me, and cover my wall with ribbons and hugs and toy poodles. Please stop. Seriously. Here’s a clue: if I didn’t answer your private message the first 11 times you said, “Hi!”, once in Arabic (I think you said hi that time but I am not sure since I don’t SPEAK Arabic), I probably am not going to answer #12 either.

Mole sauce. That shit is rank. Enough said.

Hey, that was surprisingly fun. Feel free to vent in comments.

Posted in random, rant

37 Responses to Things that Piss Me Off

  1. Larissa says:

    I’m so going to fondle you now. Well, I was anyway, but now…extra fondling.

  2. SonomaLass says:

    I promise, no fondling, ribbons or poodles!

    Can I have your share of the mole sauce?

  3. Ann Aguirre says:

    You can totally have ALL my mole sauce. Nothing ruins delicious enchiladas or baked chicken like mole. Ew!

  4. People who text while driving, crossing the yellow line to meet me head-on. I’m a champion chicken player — you’re gonna lose.

    People who start a conversation with “You should write . . .”

    Passive aggressive behavior. If you want something from me, be direct. You still might not get it, but if you’re passive aggressive, there is ZERO chance I’ll give in.

    Those who can’t make a living in this business calling those of us who do (and don’t need soul-sucking jobs to survive) hacks.

    Those who try to bully or censor me, demanding I change my content or they won’t follow/click/buy my work. It’s your choice not to like my work and not to come back. But you can’t dictate what I write (unless you’re paying me a ton of money on a work-for-hire project), and I will remain true to my vision.,

  5. Ann Aguirre says:

    Oh, building off the passive aggressive behavior? Another good one?

    The backhanded compliment.

    “I usually hate the stupid books in X genre, but yours are decent.” That’s NOT a compliment, people!

  6. My fave is people who think they can shut you up by threatening not to buy your books. Look buddy, the only person who could make me close my piehole died in 2002. I couldn’t give a good goddamn if you ever buy my books. I do what I want.

    People who post on your blog and on forums where you hang out and then pirate your books. Stay out of my goddamned house.

    Whew, that does feel good.

  7. Carrie Lofty says:

    I hate mole sauce too. Thought it was coz I’m a white girl who didn’t get the true culture of sauces the color of scorched diarrhea. Maybe it just sucks.

    I hate being cold in my own house. Yet I hate high electric bills. And catch-22s, apparently.

  8. katiebabs says:

    I’m sorry I tried fondling you when you did that oh so very sexy thing with Carolyn Jewel’s book back in July.

    I can’t help it that you are too hot for words that I just want to fondle you. I guess from now on I will just fondle your books and whisper your name. :wink:

  9. KMont says:

    Some people really touch you that much when meeting you? Ugh. It kind of freaks me out when people I don’t know well do that. Which is similar to my peeve.

    I can’t take being in line in public and people behind me leaving about an inch of space between us. Back off. Now. We don’t have to have a national state park between us, but make the distance respectful. My dance space/your dance space respectable.

    I had mole sauce once and it was pretty good. o.O

  10. Kerry says:

    This one is highly personal, but drives me bananas and I haven’t had anywhere to rant. Thanks for the opportunity, Ann.

    I pick my son up from school each day. To get a park in the carpark you have to get there an absolute minimum of 20 minutes before the end of school. I make that effort.

    Then people drive in when the carpark is full and either park on a particular set of yellow lines (meaning no-one else can safely back out of their own parking spaces) or in the disabled parks.

    Good grief, people. If you can get there on time to take a legitimate park, go park on the street!

    It’s a silly thing, but it makes me crazy. I make the effort and I have a chronic illness to work around, why the h*ll can’t they?

  11. Ina says:

    Are you feeling better now?? I would *hug* you but after your post *nohugsjustgreetings* :wink:
    Ina

  12. Michele Lee says:

    Yes! (Oh, and how about a follow up with a post about things we love? :) )

    Mark me down for passive aggressive. (Thanks gods I’ve never had mole sauce.)

    Also, people who don’t understand that writing is work and constantly ask me to do work they should be doing. I don’t mind picking your child up from school every once in a while, or hanging out with you over breakfast once in a while, but I need to get work done too.

    And animals begging. I hate it when my pets beg, because they do eat well and I have the right to eat too.

    People–especially doctors–who assume I’m only fat because I’m lying about how much I eat and exercise.

    Authors who completely disrespect readers by expecting them to pay high prices for really crappy or outright insulting (and not even trying to make a point or be funny) way. Furthermore, when that author starts sending you nasty emails and commenting on social sites about you. Look, dude *steps on my soapbox* You submitted your book for review to a site that takes literacy, good writing, and inclusion of women, minorities and gays very seriously. We are not there to pat your back, we are there to evaluate your work and tell other if it is worth buying. If you can’t even bother to proofread your book before slapping it on Lulu do not expect us to kiss your ass for stringing enough words together to make a book.

    That sort of does feel good.

    *buries myself in a reread of Blue Diablo* Ah, cleaning, refreshing fiction….

  13. Michele Lee says:

    Hey Ann, I ended up making a Fan page for people who just want to follow my writing/releases and stuff instead of all my game playing. (I hate it when people post “gifts” and stuff on my page too, but I do play several games with my kiddos on the Facebook.) Have you thought of doing something similar then just encourage people friending you for your book to fan you instead? You could keep your personal page to friends or family or what not.

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  15. Tracy says:

    Just reading that was cathartic.

    On the fondling note, I hate people who think it’s ok to rub the pregnant belly of a woman who they do NOT know. Personal space people!!

  16. Amber Green says:

    Satellite TV customer service. Excuse me, but if I wanted that kind of service, I’d bend over and drop my britches in a bar.

  17. Tiff says:

    People who cut you off and then go fifteen miles an hour when the posted limit is 35mph (My day is not complete unless this happens to me at least once a day).

    People who don’t know what a blinker is for.

    Lazy people who don’t know what work is if it came up and bite them on the nose.

    Managers who don’t know how to communicate the changes in the rules of processing data.

    People who I’ve never met or who don’t know my family (I’m from a small town everyone knows everyone) friend me on facebook.

  18. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:My rant topic is the people who come up from behind me in traffic and go around me in the left lane, zoom in front of me instead of waiting 2 seconds so they can turn off onto the feeder! I am at the time going the posted speed limit and do not understand the point of this, why can these idiots just not stay behind me until I pass the turn off and then turn?
    People who drive with their cotton picking bass up all the way until their car is shaking and the poor folks next to them (usually me) can not only “hear” the crap really well but can “feel” it too!
    Derogatory bumper stickers, if you cannot say something halfway decent do not say anything on your ride!!!
    I have lots more but these are the worst and since read all the other rants some of them would be my repeats. Thanks Ann this was fun to get out there!

    jackie b central texas

  19. jackie b, do you think tiff lives in tex also?

    i’m with everyone about requests to join groups you could care less than a fig about on facebook, where i can i block them (my list gets longer every day), the rest i ignore. they are probably doing group things and have a friends list longer that my left arm.

    the ones i am getting sick of are the ones who want to “friend” you but do not tell you why! i am not interested in having more friends than anyone else. beside the fact that i think it is presumtive and down right rude.

    Oh, did you know that you can keep someone on your friend’s list to play without having to listen to their dribble about another game or even them? when their post comes up, you can select hide by the top line of the post and hide either the application you think dumb or them or both.

    people who just want to attack others. if i disagree with what you said, there is a way to phrase that without attacking the person. if i consistently dislike what you are say, i do not have to friend or follow you.

    facebook if they expect me to pay for a social network that has as much advertisement as they have accompanied by more bugs than our quarters in panama!

    i am going to go back in my little corner now but thanks for everyone’s rants!

  20. WAIT…people who take up 2 handicapped spaces (especially in the rain).

    people who do not pay attention to those around them. i am short and i don’t like having my cane or crutches kicked out from under me or elbowed in the head. and i really want to thump the ones who do, and not only don’t bother to say ‘sorry, but who give you a look like i should not be in that space to begin with!

  21. Ann, if it’s the same Facebook “Friend” as mine, I believe it’s Turkish, not Arabic.

    Mine: people who think they’re so special, they don’t have to return their shopping cart to the store or the carrel like everyone else. No, just leave that cart out in the open so it can take up its very own parking space, or dent someone’s car at the first gust of wind (not that one more dent would be noticeable on my car). After all, courtesy is for the little people.

    I haven’t been to your blog in a long time. *slaps self* Forgot how fun it was!

  22. Lauren says:

    people who park in the fire lane

    having to have a meal plan that is the same five things everyday

    when my room mate opens the window and blinds with no warning rather than just going outside herself

    the people who play their music loud enough that I can hear it from the seventh floor at 2AM

    online homework

    not being able to find the next book in a series, but multiple copies of the one after it

    the “contents maybe hot” warning on commercial coffee cups

    feeling guilty for asking my friends for rides places, since it is the only time I see them

    being woken up by someone else’s alarm, then having them ignore it

    little headaches

    the price of text books

    the price of gas

    having coffee filters that are one size too big and the mess that results

    math teachers that expect the class to already know everything they’re suppose to teach

    being told that I’ll enjoy some type of food that I already know I do not, followed by having to try it, followed by the shocked look on whoever’s face when I do not enjoy it

    and that feeling when there’s nothing to do, you’d study but the labs aren’t open, you’d do internet stuff but there’s nothing new, you’d hang out with your friends but they’re all either at work or hanging out with their boy/girl friend, and you have no access to your car so there’s no where to go

  23. Jay Lake says:

    Getting grumpy at readers who believe authors are (a) all obscenely wealthy, (b) don’t actually have to work at what they do, and/or (c) are freely substitutable commodities. Also not happy with (d) “ebooks should be free”.

    But maybe that’s just me.

  24. Anna says:

    People who, when hitting a red light in an intersection, stop their cars not at the stop line, but all the way across the cross walk. It’s called a crosswalk for a reason, folks, and it exists so I don’t have to take my kids out in the middle of oncoming traffic to get past your stupid car. The stop line is only a foot behind you, so it’s not like you’re getting to your destination any faster by blocking pedestrians.

    People who dial the wrong number and then get mad at me for not being the person they wanted to call. Look, you woke me up at 5am, so the least you could do is own that I may, in fact, not be George.

    And WORD to Traci about the pregnant belly rubbers. If you wouldn’t touch my tummy when it’s flat, there’s no reason for you to be pawing it when it sits in my lap. That goes for family, too.

  25. Mole is delicious! You are clearly off your rocker.

  26. Alexia561 says:

    People actually fondle you? Hope you punch them!

    My latest rant is shopping carts left in the middle of the aisle so that no one can pass. Or the shoppers who step right in front of me when I’m looking at the shelf! Hello? I’m right here! Can you tell I just came back from the grocery store? *L*

    Whew! I do feel better!

  27. Dorri Kay says:

    People who believe stop lights/signs are optional. They are not polite suggestions.

    People who leave used empty coffee cups on bookshelves in a public bookstore or library.

    People who call you from four desks away rather than get up and walk over (note: exception to this is a disabled person or a person with a ankle/knee/hip/leg injury….becuase they aren’t doing it to be lazy).

  28. terry trent armbruster tt* says:

    lol i bet ppl do that. get a grip already. set you mail to gmail. i think youre the one who feels up ppl esp whentheyre not looking. (=3 tell shanz she lost no matter how much she got paid off and she knows it.

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