Try some; it's good.
Wherein I ramble about books, movies,
music, TV shows, my life, and occasionally, hot emo boys.
My Books
Current WiP
My ValentineGuide sequel = DONE
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Monday, May 21, 2007
guest blog (and girl on girl action)
Today I'm guest blogging over at It's Not Chick Porn. The topic is agents and how to get one, and I think it's a pretty helpful article, if you have any interest in such things. Even if you don't, it's worth your time to stop by and comment because saying hi gets you a contest entry.
I'm giving away a $40 Amazon Gift Certificate, plus a copy of The Average Girl's Guide to Getting Laid to the grand prize winner. Two other lucky souls will walk away with their own copies of Guide as well, so definitely stop by. Winners will be announced Wednesday morning.
Okay, the subtitle probably doesn't mean what you think it means. I've been thinking quite a bit this weekend about feminine interpersonal dynamics. Karen posted a link to a letter by Joss Whedon, responding to what happened to Dua Khalil, who was brutally murdered at the end of April in an "honor-killing." Her crime? Falling in love with a Sunni Muslim boy. If that wasn't bad enough, when she was dragged from her home by her family members and stoned in the street, instead of helping her, people in the front row recorded it on their camera phones. I have no words for my loathing.
Dionne asked the following questions: "Why would anyone want to gleefully hurt us in such a way? Why do we tear into each other ourselves?"
I thought she meant figuratively, and I responded:
To my astonishment, some anonymous person appeared to make a link between what I said and this:
How the hell do you get from "women learn passive-aggressive behaviors early on" and "they deserve to be stoned to death! they can't work together!" I'm gobsmacked at the specious logic involved in such a leap. Perhaps I shouldn't have answered the question on this thread in particular, but I don't agree with the conclusions drawn. This anonymous poster goes on to say that working with women can be a nightmare, but it comes down to the individuals involved, not the gender. I think it's naive to say that gender plays no role in group behavior.
Would you ever find a group straight men sitting around with a Jenny Crusie book, trying to decide just how fat the heroine was in Bet Me? Unlikely. I'm sure you've all been part of a circle where everyone was talking about someone who wasn't there. Maybe the woman's having marital trouble, got a bad haircut, whatever, but instead of telling her what's on the table for discussion (her!) when she walks in the door, everyone pins on a bright smile and changes the subject.
It's bullshit to say there's no trouble in feminine interpersonal dynamics. There's such a dichotomy -- women are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If they behave "properly" with subverted hostilities and cattiness and backstabbing, then they're "typical" women. If they handle their business like men, aggressive, confrontational, open, they often get called bitches, butch, dykes, etc.
I'd love to see a happy medium where women can be strong, confident and direct without sacrificing any perception of femininity. We're not there yet, but I think we will be soon. Traditional gender roles are currently in flux, and there's no telling what the future holds. I just cannot accept that what I said is tantamount to saying women deserve to be stoned because they occasionally bicker and gossip. I brought it here because I didn't want to dishonor Dua's memory on a thread devoted to her by arguing. Feel free to give me your thoughts on the subject as well. I can handle hearing I'm wrong, if you disagree.
I'm giving away a $40 Amazon Gift Certificate, plus a copy of The Average Girl's Guide to Getting Laid to the grand prize winner. Two other lucky souls will walk away with their own copies of Guide as well, so definitely stop by. Winners will be announced Wednesday morning.
Okay, the subtitle probably doesn't mean what you think it means. I've been thinking quite a bit this weekend about feminine interpersonal dynamics. Karen posted a link to a letter by Joss Whedon, responding to what happened to Dua Khalil, who was brutally murdered at the end of April in an "honor-killing." Her crime? Falling in love with a Sunni Muslim boy. If that wasn't bad enough, when she was dragged from her home by her family members and stoned in the street, instead of helping her, people in the front row recorded it on their camera phones. I have no words for my loathing.
Dionne asked the following questions: "Why would anyone want to gleefully hurt us in such a way? Why do we tear into each other ourselves?"
I thought she meant figuratively, and I responded:
Studies on feminine interpersonal dynamics seem to indicate that women learn passive-aggressive behavior patterns in early childhood. A strong, confident woman who handles her business in a "masculine" way, that is to say directly and perhaps even confrontationally, is often ostracized by her peers. Women are taught it isn't ladylike to behave in such a way, so they subvert their hostility into catty behaviors that lead to festering jealousies. A group of women, trying to accomplish a project jointly, will likely encounter more petty resentments than a mixed group of male / female colleagues. Furthermore, I would posit that women, as whole, tend to be more uncertain about their own accomplishments, more likely to compare themselves to their female coworkers, than their male colleagues, thus a woman might be more likely to feel threatened by someone else's success.
To my astonishment, some anonymous person appeared to make a link between what I said and this:
"Within the comments there was post about the passive-agressiveness of the female gender. I really didn't think belonged here. I was like WTF. But it really made me think because that study and the quoting of it is also about part of the cultural bias. Because it's a repeat of what I see in the original Daily Mail headline. Women bring it on themselves. See they are passive-agressive and can't work together."
How the hell do you get from "women learn passive-aggressive behaviors early on" and "they deserve to be stoned to death! they can't work together!" I'm gobsmacked at the specious logic involved in such a leap. Perhaps I shouldn't have answered the question on this thread in particular, but I don't agree with the conclusions drawn. This anonymous poster goes on to say that working with women can be a nightmare, but it comes down to the individuals involved, not the gender. I think it's naive to say that gender plays no role in group behavior.
Would you ever find a group straight men sitting around with a Jenny Crusie book, trying to decide just how fat the heroine was in Bet Me? Unlikely. I'm sure you've all been part of a circle where everyone was talking about someone who wasn't there. Maybe the woman's having marital trouble, got a bad haircut, whatever, but instead of telling her what's on the table for discussion (her!) when she walks in the door, everyone pins on a bright smile and changes the subject.
It's bullshit to say there's no trouble in feminine interpersonal dynamics. There's such a dichotomy -- women are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If they behave "properly" with subverted hostilities and cattiness and backstabbing, then they're "typical" women. If they handle their business like men, aggressive, confrontational, open, they often get called bitches, butch, dykes, etc.
I'd love to see a happy medium where women can be strong, confident and direct without sacrificing any perception of femininity. We're not there yet, but I think we will be soon. Traditional gender roles are currently in flux, and there's no telling what the future holds. I just cannot accept that what I said is tantamount to saying women deserve to be stoned because they occasionally bicker and gossip. I brought it here because I didn't want to dishonor Dua's memory on a thread devoted to her by arguing. Feel free to give me your thoughts on the subject as well. I can handle hearing I'm wrong, if you disagree.
Labels: SBD
Monday, May 14, 2007
waiting sucks
Just ask this monkey. He's been hanging around his tree all day, waiting for some exciting shit to happen, and he's still waiting.
I had a big old long
So I'll just leave the title as the complete encapsulation of my current state. Waiting sucks.
Labels: SBD
Monday, May 07, 2007
on the joy of renovations
Have you noticed that when you start a home remodeling / redecorating project you go through these phases? First, you're all excited. You can see it in your mind's eye: how it will look, the way it will improve your life, you'll be better organized, your house will look nicer, it will eliminate clutter, be prettier, more efficient, or whatever the hell you told yourself in order to get the ball rolling. I call that Stage 1, or the Pipe Dream.
Then there's stage 2, or as I like to call it, the Collective Incompetence. So you have your grand scheme, but there's no way you're skilled enough to do all that labor by yourself. Some of it, you couldn't do even if you apprenticed to a master for seven years. What do you do? Find someone to handle it for you. You talk to people, ask questions, and eventually make up your mind who offers the best price / quality ratio. Why you even bother with this, I have no idea. You may as well hurl darts at the phone directory and hire whomever it lands on because you're just as likely to find a competent contractor that way as through your meticulous research.
Once money has changed hands, you have passed the point of no return. I fondly dub this stage 3, Holy Shit, my house exploded or alternately, The Time of the Ass Crack. This means people whose names you do not know or cannot remember will tromp in and out of your house, bringing this and that, leaving rubbish, trampling your shrubs and flowers and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Very little will be accomplished that first day (and perhaps for many days henceforth) except to test your patience and make you wish you had a time machine. You wouldn't do anything selfless with it, like save Abraham Lincoln. No, you'd just go back to the day before you entered stage 1 and write yourself a note that reads: Psst, the house is okay the way it is. Seriously.
Sometimes it looks like progress is being made, but then the contractor faeries come out at night and undo any work that may have been accomplished by accident the day before. Parts will go missing and delivery men will promise to contact "the warehouse" and have replacements sent out right away. This can be anywhere from three days to never. This part of the process is stage 4, also known as Waiting for Godot.
At this point, you get on the phone and start making ridiculous threats that you cannot carry out (unless you do actually have pull with the postal service and can see to it that they never receive another parcel as long as they live) unless they finish on your house. You stop being the cheerful host, offering ice water and free Cokes, and start letting your dog, who has a tendency to lick and hump the most unusual objects, run free on the worksite. This motivates the workers to enter stage 5, which is "This woman is crazy, let's wrap this job up!"
Work will proceed at a prodigious pace and you'll start to remember why you put yourself through this ordeal, back in the rosy glow of stage 1. Until they install everything backwards, in direct opposition to what you initially discussed, and then vanish in their trucks as if into the Bermuda Triangle. They don't return your calls.
Yes. It's time to break out the tequila.
Then there's stage 2, or as I like to call it, the Collective Incompetence. So you have your grand scheme, but there's no way you're skilled enough to do all that labor by yourself. Some of it, you couldn't do even if you apprenticed to a master for seven years. What do you do? Find someone to handle it for you. You talk to people, ask questions, and eventually make up your mind who offers the best price / quality ratio. Why you even bother with this, I have no idea. You may as well hurl darts at the phone directory and hire whomever it lands on because you're just as likely to find a competent contractor that way as through your meticulous research.
Once money has changed hands, you have passed the point of no return. I fondly dub this stage 3, Holy Shit, my house exploded or alternately, The Time of the Ass Crack. This means people whose names you do not know or cannot remember will tromp in and out of your house, bringing this and that, leaving rubbish, trampling your shrubs and flowers and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Very little will be accomplished that first day (and perhaps for many days henceforth) except to test your patience and make you wish you had a time machine. You wouldn't do anything selfless with it, like save Abraham Lincoln. No, you'd just go back to the day before you entered stage 1 and write yourself a note that reads: Psst, the house is okay the way it is. Seriously.
Sometimes it looks like progress is being made, but then the contractor faeries come out at night and undo any work that may have been accomplished by accident the day before. Parts will go missing and delivery men will promise to contact "the warehouse" and have replacements sent out right away. This can be anywhere from three days to never. This part of the process is stage 4, also known as Waiting for Godot.
At this point, you get on the phone and start making ridiculous threats that you cannot carry out (unless you do actually have pull with the postal service and can see to it that they never receive another parcel as long as they live) unless they finish on your house. You stop being the cheerful host, offering ice water and free Cokes, and start letting your dog, who has a tendency to lick and hump the most unusual objects, run free on the worksite. This motivates the workers to enter stage 5, which is "This woman is crazy, let's wrap this job up!"
Work will proceed at a prodigious pace and you'll start to remember why you put yourself through this ordeal, back in the rosy glow of stage 1. Until they install everything backwards, in direct opposition to what you initially discussed, and then vanish in their trucks as if into the Bermuda Triangle. They don't return your calls.
Yes. It's time to break out the tequila.
Labels: SBD
Monday, April 30, 2007
killing the muse (or deconstruction and the art of the endless revision)
There are any number of things that make it impossible for me to write: the dog barking nonstop at the cats, the cats yowling at each other, the kids acting like absolute prats. Whenever I'm trying to work, the smaller denizens of the house sense it and then they conspire to go batshit simultaneously at the worst possible time.
That's not what I intended to blog about today, however. I'm noticing I don't want to surf to writer blogs lately. Why? Because of the constant deconstruction of the process. How do you do (X)? How can we make (X) better? For me, writing is magic; it's not a mechanical process. And for me to think about the nuts and bolts that make the machine run, well, it's like telling a bumblebee he is not aerodynamic enough to fly. The poor bastard's first reaction is, "Huh? What?" and then he plummets to earth. Logic, once applied to magic, cannot be undone.
My writing is like that poor bumblebee. I don't know how it works; it just does. It's lovely, sparkly, and I don't think about the process. In fact, I shouldn't think about the process. Because now that I have been, I'm finding it hard to write. I second-guess myself more than I used to. I need to go back to the old ways, where I simply listen to whatever the characters have to say and write it down. That's truly all I do, and it works for me, profoundly.
I'm not a reviser. I either sell my product or I don't. Once a work is contracted, my editor will tell me what changes to make, and if the book doesn't sell, all the revisions in the world probably aren't going to make a difference. All that accomplishes is to eradicate an author's unique voice, ruthlessly squelched by endless critique rounds. Your crit partners are well-intentioned, but unless they are bestselling authors, they don't have any more idea what sells than you do. They have opinions, of course, but so does everyone. Too much interference will kill the muse.
Mine is sickly, poor thing. And so I'm not going to read blogs where they talk about the best way to do this or that. Or how do I do such and such? I can't analyze it. When you dissect something, you find out how it works, sure, but you no longer have a dynamic, vital entity. Just ask the poor frog floating in Formaldehyde.
That's not what I intended to blog about today, however. I'm noticing I don't want to surf to writer blogs lately. Why? Because of the constant deconstruction of the process. How do you do (X)? How can we make (X) better? For me, writing is magic; it's not a mechanical process. And for me to think about the nuts and bolts that make the machine run, well, it's like telling a bumblebee he is not aerodynamic enough to fly. The poor bastard's first reaction is, "Huh? What?" and then he plummets to earth. Logic, once applied to magic, cannot be undone.
My writing is like that poor bumblebee. I don't know how it works; it just does. It's lovely, sparkly, and I don't think about the process. In fact, I shouldn't think about the process. Because now that I have been, I'm finding it hard to write. I second-guess myself more than I used to. I need to go back to the old ways, where I simply listen to whatever the characters have to say and write it down. That's truly all I do, and it works for me, profoundly.
I'm not a reviser. I either sell my product or I don't. Once a work is contracted, my editor will tell me what changes to make, and if the book doesn't sell, all the revisions in the world probably aren't going to make a difference. All that accomplishes is to eradicate an author's unique voice, ruthlessly squelched by endless critique rounds. Your crit partners are well-intentioned, but unless they are bestselling authors, they don't have any more idea what sells than you do. They have opinions, of course, but so does everyone. Too much interference will kill the muse.
Mine is sickly, poor thing. And so I'm not going to read blogs where they talk about the best way to do this or that. Or how do I do such and such? I can't analyze it. When you dissect something, you find out how it works, sure, but you no longer have a dynamic, vital entity. Just ask the poor frog floating in Formaldehyde.
Labels: SBD
Monday, April 23, 2007
presumptuous bastards
This is a mini-rant, mixed with a whine. So cut yourself a slice of your favorite cheese and listen up.
First of all, who the hell does Google (and other websites) think they are? I'm sick and tired of having my preferences changed without my consent. It seems like every time I click to a site, they decide I want all my content in Spanish because they recognize my ISP is out of Mexico. Yes, I live in Mexico, but it doesn't mean I want all my online content in Spanish. Why don't they give me a choice about it? Or better yet, let me change it myself, if I need it done. Fact of the matter is, I do okay in Spanish, but it's not my native language. I write in English. I do business in English. So why are they making me waste my time, struggling to find the way to switch it back when I didn't switch it in the first place?
That makes me feel ill at ease about how much information is readily available just from accessing a site. I click and they know I'm looking at their page from Mexico, using Prodigy Infinitum, so they decide to change my subscriptions without asking me? WTF is that? I'm starting to think websites know entirely too much. They're crossing the line in trying to anticipate my needs. I don't want some web-bot doing that, just like I don't want my online content translated without my say so. It's often like that when people think they're doing you a favor -- by not asking first, half the time they mess up what you had going.
Moving on to the whine portion of our program. Got your cheese handy? Good. My WIP isn't going well. I'm not feeling it, I don't want to write it right now. It's not under contract or anything yet, so I have no obligation to it. I really want to do a sequel to Falling or Good Touch, at this point. I was trying to be smart in a business sense. Guide is sold, my editors want a sequel telling Darnell and Maya's story. Said they'll contract on a partial. The other two books aren't sold, don't know if they will be. I was going by the "bird in hand beats two in the bush" edict, but my muse thinks this is a lame-ass idea.
When do you guys put a project on hold and move on? Do you force yourself to slog on through something you're not feeling? Or do you follow your muse wherever she leads? I could use some advice.
First of all, who the hell does Google (and other websites) think they are? I'm sick and tired of having my preferences changed without my consent. It seems like every time I click to a site, they decide I want all my content in Spanish because they recognize my ISP is out of Mexico. Yes, I live in Mexico, but it doesn't mean I want all my online content in Spanish. Why don't they give me a choice about it? Or better yet, let me change it myself, if I need it done. Fact of the matter is, I do okay in Spanish, but it's not my native language. I write in English. I do business in English. So why are they making me waste my time, struggling to find the way to switch it back when I didn't switch it in the first place?
That makes me feel ill at ease about how much information is readily available just from accessing a site. I click and they know I'm looking at their page from Mexico, using Prodigy Infinitum, so they decide to change my subscriptions without asking me? WTF is that? I'm starting to think websites know entirely too much. They're crossing the line in trying to anticipate my needs. I don't want some web-bot doing that, just like I don't want my online content translated without my say so. It's often like that when people think they're doing you a favor -- by not asking first, half the time they mess up what you had going.
Moving on to the whine portion of our program. Got your cheese handy? Good. My WIP isn't going well. I'm not feeling it, I don't want to write it right now. It's not under contract or anything yet, so I have no obligation to it. I really want to do a sequel to Falling or Good Touch, at this point. I was trying to be smart in a business sense. Guide is sold, my editors want a sequel telling Darnell and Maya's story. Said they'll contract on a partial. The other two books aren't sold, don't know if they will be. I was going by the "bird in hand beats two in the bush" edict, but my muse thinks this is a lame-ass idea.
When do you guys put a project on hold and move on? Do you force yourself to slog on through something you're not feeling? Or do you follow your muse wherever she leads? I could use some advice.
Labels: SBD, whiny writerness
Monday, April 02, 2007
reviews
This isn't a rant so much as a public service announcement.
First, let me say, if you send me an ebook to review, I will get to it as soon as I can and I promise to read it with an open mind. However, I don't promise to love it. I don't promise to give you an A for effort or even a B. Anybody who claims to read It's Not Chick Porn regularly and then explodes into frothing rage over my "mean" response to her magnum opus clearly didn't understand the tone of the site. Or maybe it's only funny when it happens to other people. Now authors are free to shit-talk me on their personal blogs. I don't care. Freedom of speech and all that, but honestly, when you talk about how stupid the person is for not loving your book, you only make yourself look bad. It's a subjective business, and you really can't please everybody. Professionals learn that early on.
Second point -- when I review a story, I'm not casting aspersions on anybody's character, intellect, or writing gift. I'm reviewing one story and it's just my opinion. It's sad I have to say that, but there you go. Do I need to start posting warning labels on my reviews like McDonald's coffee ("warning, this shit is hot and may burn your hoo-ha if you spill it in your lap")? I hope not.
But you know what's interesting?
I can only think of one author whose book I gave a not-so-good review who actually got in touch with me and said, "Thanks for your time, I appreciate it. I hope you like my next book better." I'm gonna call her out too, because that lady has class. That was December Quinn. Maybe she secretly thinks I'm a stupid cunt but she didn't go public with it, which shows a measure of self-control and class. People could learn from her.
A number of authors whose books I raved over have contacted me, but of the ones whose books I didn't like, not a peep, not a thank you, except for DQ. You want to talk about common courtesy? How about that? The books were sent to me and I gave my time to review them, which I did honestly. I'm only one person. I'm not a publishing conglomerate; I'm not an editor. Think about how much power I actually have before you lose your mind over it. But if authors think I'm too mean and unfair, there's a solution. Don't send me your book. I don't pick random people to shred. My reviews are unbiased, even if you don't happen to agree with me.
I've given higher grades than I expected. LE Bryce managed to sell me on m/m books, a feat that continues to astonish me. I would've said I could never enjoy that kind of thing, but she can really write. So props to Ms. Bryce. Likewise to Bridget Midway, who will be receiving my first A. I fucking hate BDSM books, and damn if she didn't turn one in that rocked my world. Props to Ms. Midway too.
So if I love your book I will rave about to the skies. Diana Bold and Bonnie Dee both quote my reviews on their sites because they loved what I wrote about their work so much. From Bonnie's site:
From Diana's site:
I'm not a reviewer who never has anything good to say about a book. To my way of thinking, my praise holds more weight because I don't (and won't) blow smoke up somebody's ass, no matter how much I like them. If I did, I would have buttered the hell out of December Quinn because I like her a lot, and I respect her for her attitude. Final point, you gotta take the bitter with the sweet, ya'll. Or maybe just send the book to somebody you know will give it four stars, if you don't really want an honest review.
First, let me say, if you send me an ebook to review, I will get to it as soon as I can and I promise to read it with an open mind. However, I don't promise to love it. I don't promise to give you an A for effort or even a B. Anybody who claims to read It's Not Chick Porn regularly and then explodes into frothing rage over my "mean" response to her magnum opus clearly didn't understand the tone of the site. Or maybe it's only funny when it happens to other people. Now authors are free to shit-talk me on their personal blogs. I don't care. Freedom of speech and all that, but honestly, when you talk about how stupid the person is for not loving your book, you only make yourself look bad. It's a subjective business, and you really can't please everybody. Professionals learn that early on.
Second point -- when I review a story, I'm not casting aspersions on anybody's character, intellect, or writing gift. I'm reviewing one story and it's just my opinion. It's sad I have to say that, but there you go. Do I need to start posting warning labels on my reviews like McDonald's coffee ("warning, this shit is hot and may burn your hoo-ha if you spill it in your lap")? I hope not.
But you know what's interesting?
I can only think of one author whose book I gave a not-so-good review who actually got in touch with me and said, "Thanks for your time, I appreciate it. I hope you like my next book better." I'm gonna call her out too, because that lady has class. That was December Quinn. Maybe she secretly thinks I'm a stupid cunt but she didn't go public with it, which shows a measure of self-control and class. People could learn from her.
A number of authors whose books I raved over have contacted me, but of the ones whose books I didn't like, not a peep, not a thank you, except for DQ. You want to talk about common courtesy? How about that? The books were sent to me and I gave my time to review them, which I did honestly. I'm only one person. I'm not a publishing conglomerate; I'm not an editor. Think about how much power I actually have before you lose your mind over it. But if authors think I'm too mean and unfair, there's a solution. Don't send me your book. I don't pick random people to shred. My reviews are unbiased, even if you don't happen to agree with me.
I've given higher grades than I expected. LE Bryce managed to sell me on m/m books, a feat that continues to astonish me. I would've said I could never enjoy that kind of thing, but she can really write. So props to Ms. Bryce. Likewise to Bridget Midway, who will be receiving my first A. I fucking hate BDSM books, and damn if she didn't turn one in that rocked my world. Props to Ms. Midway too.
So if I love your book I will rave about to the skies. Diana Bold and Bonnie Dee both quote my reviews on their sites because they loved what I wrote about their work so much. From Bonnie's site:
FINDING HOME is the most beautiful book I've read this year. It possesses a haunting, visceral power, and this writing team produces seamless, utterly lyrical prose. It is rich and textured, gritty and real as life itself is real. From the beginning, even the exposition felt like foreplay, fleshing out a passionate, poignant, and utterly forbidden relationship with delicacy and simmering subtlety. If you read just one e-book this year, let it be FINDING HOME.
From Diana's site:
Thus begins an intricately woven story of love, lust, dark secrets and incredible intrigue. Diana Bold writes in a smooth, seductive voice that will raise shivers on the reader's spine and summon comparisons to powerful authors like Laura Kinsale. Every note in this dark, delicious symphony falls just right, perfectly euphonic. Talon and Kathryn so obviously belong together that one cannot help but be swept up in their story. Ms. Bold crafts a haunting secondary character in Daniel, so beautifully written that his pain lingers long after the hero and heroine enjoy their happily ever after. For an unforgettable read, hot with forbidden desire, smooth eroticism and unspeakable secrets, pick up a copy of NOBODY'S HERO.
I'm not a reviewer who never has anything good to say about a book. To my way of thinking, my praise holds more weight because I don't (and won't) blow smoke up somebody's ass, no matter how much I like them. If I did, I would have buttered the hell out of December Quinn because I like her a lot, and I respect her for her attitude. Final point, you gotta take the bitter with the sweet, ya'll. Or maybe just send the book to somebody you know will give it four stars, if you don't really want an honest review.
Labels: SBD
Monday, March 26, 2007
Comment Moderation
When I visit a blog and comment, it's because I want to interact with the owner(s) and other commenters. Sometimes people turn on comment moderation and then it's like commenting blind. You don't know what else people have said on this topic, maybe you're going to post the exact same thing as the guy ahead of you.
It makes reasoned discourse impossible; I can't react to what someone else has said until the blog owner "approves" the comment. That strikes me as utterly micro-managerial. I mean, shit, you can delete any comment anytime. So what if somebody calls me a cum-guzzling whore or a no-talent hack? One of those things is true, so I'd let that comment stand. The other one, I can remove. What's the big freaking deal? I don't believe in censorship, and if I get spammed, I'll delete that comment too. Again, not a big deal.
The thing that really honks me off about comment moderation is: some folks turn it on and then don't moderate. I'll leave a comment on their blog and then surf back there a week later to find out their thoughts on what I said...and my comment isn't posted!! Bollocks to that. There is no faster, surer way to keep me from returning than to do that shit. Strikes me as onanistic, for one. If you don't want others intruding on your self-love, turn off comments altogether, for fuck's sake. Make it crystal clear you aren't interested in other people's opinions.
It makes reasoned discourse impossible; I can't react to what someone else has said until the blog owner "approves" the comment. That strikes me as utterly micro-managerial. I mean, shit, you can delete any comment anytime. So what if somebody calls me a cum-guzzling whore or a no-talent hack? One of those things is true, so I'd let that comment stand. The other one, I can remove. What's the big freaking deal? I don't believe in censorship, and if I get spammed, I'll delete that comment too. Again, not a big deal.
The thing that really honks me off about comment moderation is: some folks turn it on and then don't moderate. I'll leave a comment on their blog and then surf back there a week later to find out their thoughts on what I said...and my comment isn't posted!! Bollocks to that. There is no faster, surer way to keep me from returning than to do that shit. Strikes me as onanistic, for one. If you don't want others intruding on your self-love, turn off comments altogether, for fuck's sake. Make it crystal clear you aren't interested in other people's opinions.
Labels: SBD
Monday, March 19, 2007
no bitchin' today
Things are going too well for me to have any bitching to do. Rather than work up a fake rant about stuff that doesn't really bother me (and you guys could tell the difference, couldn't you?), I'm going to do something different. Today SBD stands from Smart Blessing Day; I'm going to recount the ways I'm lucky as hell. If this post seems disjointed, it's because I'm just counting my blessings as they occur to me.
My cover art for Guide is absolutely gorgeous. If that wasn't enough, my wonderful editors at Loose Id, Ann and Olivia, who helped make a good book great, are interested in a sequel. Ann wants three chapters and synopsis for the secondary characters in Guide. I'm calling it My Valentine and when I have that stuff done, Ann says she can probably offer me a contract, based on partial and synopsis. I'll have deadlines and everything!
Last week, I sold a book and I hadn't ever submitted to this publisher. As an adjunct to my 100th comment contest, Tina Burns, acquisition editor of Liquid Silver Books, read some of my material on my website and sent me a personal invitation to submit. I had Your Alibi available, so I sent it her way. Five days later, she offered me a contract. When I accepted, she wrote:
I'm a feedback whore, I freely admit it. Sometimes in this solitary writing gig of mine, I start jonesing for other people's opinions. Well, that was a happy slice of validation right there. I gave someone goosebumps!
More good stuff. My work is currently in the hands of a wonderful agent, who is close to making me an offer. I've checked her references and they're impeccable. Now I'm just waiting for the magic moment.
Paula Guran of Juno Books is considering Good Touch for their paranormal line. I'm pitching a six book series. My kids are old enough to understand that I'm working when I'm writing, and they've gotten great about handling their own issues. I'm so proud of them for that. I have a maid who takes care of the pesky household details so I can work. I have a husband who, even though he's second in line running a five company corporation, spends his whole weekend helping me whip a project into shape. After reading Good Touch, he also told me who Corine ends up with. I'm not sure he's wrong.
Is there more? Well, yes. As a reward for staying on task over the last two weeks, I bought a gorgeous black sparkly handbag and a new water fountain. I love those (and so do my cats).
I also have fantastic, supportive writer friends who give me great advice and commiserate with me so that my failures don't sting too much. All in all, I have a pretty great life and things are going well. Come on, your turn. Count your blessings for me. I think you'll be smiling when you're done.
My cover art for Guide is absolutely gorgeous. If that wasn't enough, my wonderful editors at Loose Id, Ann and Olivia, who helped make a good book great, are interested in a sequel. Ann wants three chapters and synopsis for the secondary characters in Guide. I'm calling it My Valentine and when I have that stuff done, Ann says she can probably offer me a contract, based on partial and synopsis. I'll have deadlines and everything!
Last week, I sold a book and I hadn't ever submitted to this publisher. As an adjunct to my 100th comment contest, Tina Burns, acquisition editor of Liquid Silver Books, read some of my material on my website and sent me a personal invitation to submit. I had Your Alibi available, so I sent it her way. Five days later, she offered me a contract. When I accepted, she wrote:
Yeah! I'm so glad. I got goosebumps when I'd read the excerpts on your site and was prepared to send chocolates if I needed to to bribe you to send me a book!
I'm a feedback whore, I freely admit it. Sometimes in this solitary writing gig of mine, I start jonesing for other people's opinions. Well, that was a happy slice of validation right there. I gave someone goosebumps!
More good stuff. My work is currently in the hands of a wonderful agent, who is close to making me an offer. I've checked her references and they're impeccable. Now I'm just waiting for the magic moment.
Paula Guran of Juno Books is considering Good Touch for their paranormal line. I'm pitching a six book series. My kids are old enough to understand that I'm working when I'm writing, and they've gotten great about handling their own issues. I'm so proud of them for that. I have a maid who takes care of the pesky household details so I can work. I have a husband who, even though he's second in line running a five company corporation, spends his whole weekend helping me whip a project into shape. After reading Good Touch, he also told me who Corine ends up with. I'm not sure he's wrong.
Is there more? Well, yes. As a reward for staying on task over the last two weeks, I bought a gorgeous black sparkly handbag and a new water fountain. I love those (and so do my cats).
I also have fantastic, supportive writer friends who give me great advice and commiserate with me so that my failures don't sting too much. All in all, I have a pretty great life and things are going well. Come on, your turn. Count your blessings for me. I think you'll be smiling when you're done.
Labels: SBD
Monday, March 12, 2007
bitchness
Fucking characters.
One character, who shall remain nameless (you know who are, bitch) is just so goddammned stubborn. For the first time in my life, I'm writing a series, ya'll. And I have some idea where the story arc is going.
This character is such a hobag. She thinks with her vagina. I've never had a character so obsessed with sex. No matter what I'm writing, how I'm advancing the plot, doing cool stuff like foreshadowing, all she can think about is when she's gonna get laid and with whom.
Last night, around 8 p.m., our conversation went something like this:
Her: "Come on, just let me sleep with him. Sex doesn't have to take place within the confines of a relationship. I'm a modern woman and I NEED TO GET LAID. So go on, just write the scene for me, okay? You know you want to."
Me: "Look, I don't want you having sex with every guy that comes into the book. That will turn you into just another MarySue Slutbag that nobody wants to read about. I'm going to make your story different, goddammit. And that means you're not sleeping with anybody until we're several books into this thing and I have a feel for your relationships. I'm also going to take reader feedback into consideration when deciding who you end up with. I am in charge here, now STFU and pick up the chihuahua."
Her: "Readers will understand that I have NEEDS, yo. Just write me one sex scene. It doesn't have to mean anything. Your readers will be disappointed if you write a whole book with no sex. How can you do that to them? Traitor! Now how about him? Or him? No, okay, well, I'll take some cyber with--"
Me: "Don't even start with the traitor thing, you know that's why I have separate pen names. This isn't an Annie Dean story. You're such a stubborn bitch."
Her: "Takes one to know one."
So we're kinda stalemated on this sex issue. I don't want to point her vagina at the nearest male character and say, "Shazam." I want to build some relationships and intriguing possibilities before I let her have the sex. Unfortunately she's not big on self-denial. Lord help us both.
Are your characters such stubborn bitches? If so, how do you haul their asses back in line?
One character, who shall remain nameless (you know who are, bitch) is just so goddammned stubborn. For the first time in my life, I'm writing a series, ya'll. And I have some idea where the story arc is going.
This character is such a hobag. She thinks with her vagina. I've never had a character so obsessed with sex. No matter what I'm writing, how I'm advancing the plot, doing cool stuff like foreshadowing, all she can think about is when she's gonna get laid and with whom.
Last night, around 8 p.m., our conversation went something like this:
Her: "Come on, just let me sleep with him. Sex doesn't have to take place within the confines of a relationship. I'm a modern woman and I NEED TO GET LAID. So go on, just write the scene for me, okay? You know you want to."
Me: "Look, I don't want you having sex with every guy that comes into the book. That will turn you into just another MarySue Slutbag that nobody wants to read about. I'm going to make your story different, goddammit. And that means you're not sleeping with anybody until we're several books into this thing and I have a feel for your relationships. I'm also going to take reader feedback into consideration when deciding who you end up with. I am in charge here, now STFU and pick up the chihuahua."
Her: "Readers will understand that I have NEEDS, yo. Just write me one sex scene. It doesn't have to mean anything. Your readers will be disappointed if you write a whole book with no sex. How can you do that to them? Traitor! Now how about him? Or him? No, okay, well, I'll take some cyber with--"
Me: "Don't even start with the traitor thing, you know that's why I have separate pen names. This isn't an Annie Dean story. You're such a stubborn bitch."
Her: "Takes one to know one."
So we're kinda stalemated on this sex issue. I don't want to point her vagina at the nearest male character and say, "Shazam." I want to build some relationships and intriguing possibilities before I let her have the sex. Unfortunately she's not big on self-denial. Lord help us both.
Are your characters such stubborn bitches? If so, how do you haul their asses back in line?
Labels: SBD
Monday, March 05, 2007
Rant-tastic
Since it's Monday, I know you expect me to have something to bitch about. I won't disappoint you two weeks in a row, though I really should be writing. This one will be quick and to the point.
Hello, foolish authors. Why do you waste time messing with readers, starting little kitty fights on the Internet? Why do you spend valuable writing time whinging over bad reviews? Do you not understand that if you spent more time working on your craft and less time crying because you're not famous, you might get somewhere?
Yes, because you're an author people get to take shots at your work, your life and sometimes your dog (but hopefully not literally). Put up with it. If you go around starting fights with people, you will get a rep and not a good one. So please, for the love of all gods and sacred things, stop acting like such pussies. You have them, you don't need to be them. Get a bitching buddy, vent in e-mails and let this crazy shit go. You have books to write.
Would you storm into your boss's office at General Electric and call him a doody-head because he didn't like your energy saver proposal for a kitchen stove? I thought not.
I cannot say this enough -- be professional.
Hello, foolish authors. Why do you waste time messing with readers, starting little kitty fights on the Internet? Why do you spend valuable writing time whinging over bad reviews? Do you not understand that if you spent more time working on your craft and less time crying because you're not famous, you might get somewhere?
Yes, because you're an author people get to take shots at your work, your life and sometimes your dog (but hopefully not literally). Put up with it. If you go around starting fights with people, you will get a rep and not a good one. So please, for the love of all gods and sacred things, stop acting like such pussies. You have them, you don't need to be them. Get a bitching buddy, vent in e-mails and let this crazy shit go. You have books to write.
Would you storm into your boss's office at General Electric and call him a doody-head because he didn't like your energy saver proposal for a kitchen stove? I thought not.
I cannot say this enough -- be professional.
Labels: SBD
Monday, February 19, 2007
A view to a rant
Since I've been reviewing ebooks, both for Bam's site and RRT, something has become clear to me. I said this on Bam's blog in the comments:
I stand by that comment. I wish epublishers were a little tougher in their criteria, even if it means I get rejected more. I'm not against epublishing, quite the contrary. I love ebooks. In fact, that's what I buy most of because I live in Mexico and I don't have a BN or a Borders nearby anymore. So if I want some fresh reads, I go online.
Epubs offer a chance to stories that are too edgy or too far off the beaten path to have a chance anywhere else. I love the variety. Gems like FINDING HOME by Lauren Baker and Bonnie Dee and NOBODY'S HERO by Diana Bold (I'll be writing a review of this for RRT) simply shine.
However, the main bone I have to pick with the industry as it's developing -- and Mrs. Giggles already touched on this, though her focus was publisher-hopping -- is prolific authors who publish twenty short stories a month. Many belong in an anthology, and some shouldn't be read outside a critique group. As a reader, I don't feel I'm getting my money's worth for $3 / 14 pages.
There's no story. In general it's 2 pages of infodump backstory and twelve pages of boinking. I have nothing against boinking. I love it, but I want an actual story, complete with plot, motivations, conflict, characterization, setting, all the bells and whistles. What remains is porn, if badly written. If it's elegant, then call it erotica. Honestly, though, I don't need to buy wanking material. Literotica has tons of free sex stories and some are just as well written as what certain epubs sell. That's a problem.
Maybe authors will line up to prove me wrong. Maybe there are tons of stories out there that are fully fledged in 14 pages. I just haven't found them.
The mistake a lot of authors make is putting stuff out that just isn't ready. It either needs a lot more revision or it needs to be scrapped as a practice project. The proliferation of epubs means that just about anything can find a home somewhere, but that doesn't mean it should.
I stand by that comment. I wish epublishers were a little tougher in their criteria, even if it means I get rejected more. I'm not against epublishing, quite the contrary. I love ebooks. In fact, that's what I buy most of because I live in Mexico and I don't have a BN or a Borders nearby anymore. So if I want some fresh reads, I go online.
Epubs offer a chance to stories that are too edgy or too far off the beaten path to have a chance anywhere else. I love the variety. Gems like FINDING HOME by Lauren Baker and Bonnie Dee and NOBODY'S HERO by Diana Bold (I'll be writing a review of this for RRT) simply shine.
However, the main bone I have to pick with the industry as it's developing -- and Mrs. Giggles already touched on this, though her focus was publisher-hopping -- is prolific authors who publish twenty short stories a month. Many belong in an anthology, and some shouldn't be read outside a critique group. As a reader, I don't feel I'm getting my money's worth for $3 / 14 pages.
There's no story. In general it's 2 pages of infodump backstory and twelve pages of boinking. I have nothing against boinking. I love it, but I want an actual story, complete with plot, motivations, conflict, characterization, setting, all the bells and whistles. What remains is porn, if badly written. If it's elegant, then call it erotica. Honestly, though, I don't need to buy wanking material. Literotica has tons of free sex stories and some are just as well written as what certain epubs sell. That's a problem.
Maybe authors will line up to prove me wrong. Maybe there are tons of stories out there that are fully fledged in 14 pages. I just haven't found them.
Labels: SBD
Monday, February 12, 2007
I am woman, hear me rant
It seems to me there's a particular disconnect between what readers want and what publishers are willing to risk. In romance, there's a certain formula and woe betide any author that writes something edgy. You might find yourself rejected by agents / publishers who claim your work "isn't romance-y" enough. What, no burning loins? No heaving breasts? No dewy-eyed soulful looks?
Last time I checked, a romance is about two people falling in love. I'd hate to hear there's a certain formula as to how that must take place: this many hair-flips on her part, that many yawn and stretch moves on his, ten kisses, two instances of oral sex, missionary, femme dominant, and (lately) the obligatory anal scene. Well since when? Why didn't I get the memo? I thought a romance was girl+boy+sparks+sexin' ensues(tm shuzluva pending)+drama/angst+HEA. Beyond that, I thought there was a great deal of latitude.
What about readers who want it a little darker, grittier, and more intense? In my wanderings of the www, I've seen I don't know how many variations on: "I feel like I'm seeing the same story, over and over again." Readers are tired of these vanilla pudding books and adding a menage a trois isn't going to fix it. (Just ask Mrs. Giggles.)
But then we find readers whining about, "I don't want to read about divorcees" and "I don't want to read about women whose past lovers weren't very good in bed". Add to the list virgins, women who have been sexually indiscriminate, people with self-esteem issues... I find myself asking: well, what the hell is left?
This. You want the perfect romance that speaks to you? Buy it. They've got your cowboys and tycoons, and you can even give the heroine your name.
I'll just drive myself crazy wondering what readers want. Half the time I don't even know what I want. Certainly my tastes mature and evolve as I read, so the stuff that once worked for me isn't working any longer. Stuff this nonsense. Ultimately, all I can do is write and hope somebody enjoys it.
Last time I checked, a romance is about two people falling in love. I'd hate to hear there's a certain formula as to how that must take place: this many hair-flips on her part, that many yawn and stretch moves on his, ten kisses, two instances of oral sex, missionary, femme dominant, and (lately) the obligatory anal scene. Well since when? Why didn't I get the memo? I thought a romance was girl+boy+sparks+sexin' ensues(tm shuzluva pending)+drama/angst+HEA. Beyond that, I thought there was a great deal of latitude.
What about readers who want it a little darker, grittier, and more intense? In my wanderings of the www, I've seen I don't know how many variations on: "I feel like I'm seeing the same story, over and over again." Readers are tired of these vanilla pudding books and adding a menage a trois isn't going to fix it. (Just ask Mrs. Giggles.)
But then we find readers whining about, "I don't want to read about divorcees" and "I don't want to read about women whose past lovers weren't very good in bed". Add to the list virgins, women who have been sexually indiscriminate, people with self-esteem issues... I find myself asking: well, what the hell is left?
This. You want the perfect romance that speaks to you? Buy it. They've got your cowboys and tycoons, and you can even give the heroine your name.
I'll just drive myself crazy wondering what readers want. Half the time I don't even know what I want. Certainly my tastes mature and evolve as I read, so the stuff that once worked for me isn't working any longer. Stuff this nonsense. Ultimately, all I can do is write and hope somebody enjoys it.
Labels: SBD
Monday, January 29, 2007
SBD - feet of clay, stupid shit and other bitching
I've noticed something about myself, something I need to work on. You see, I get crushes on blog sites. Like I think they're so funny and so cool and I have to read every day. Because they agree with me, I think they must be the smartest people on earth. But one day (and it always happens) these blog sites I used to love, well, I fall out of love with them. Feet of clay, I'm telling you.
Sometimes it's because they post some opinion so heinous that I'm shocked out of my love fest. It's happened lately, too. The shine doesn't rub off gradually; it's just knocked the fuck off. And sometimes I just sort of fall out of love with the site. It doesn't come up with as much interesting content, the updates are slow, the jokes begin to seem stale. I'm not gonna name names or anything, but I know it's really over when I start looking hard at my blogrolling list and thinking, "You know you never go there anymore, time to take that link off."
That may seem a little anal but I do actually remove links from blogrolling because if I put em on there, it's an endorsement. You will find something worth seeing if I decided it was worth adding. I imagine these blog "exes" sending me emails like real exes "We noticed you took our link off, I thought we had something. If you could just tell us why it's over, we thought everything was fine..." And then I giggle a little and remind myself nobody else gives a shit. Don't worry, babies, if your link is still up there, I still love you.
Moving on.
Let's talk about stupid shit in books that will make me hurl it, close it, or not even buy it in the first place. Topping the list is "destined mate" and "meant to be" stories. I'm so fucking sick of those that I want to put a spoon through my eye socket everytime I see another one. They're just all over the place. Haven't these authors ever heard of free will? I personally think it's a hell of a lot more romantic for a couple to fall in love and choose to be together forever. I mean, if I were science minded I could invent a device that would brainwash some hottie into being my sex slave, but would it mean anything? Fuck no.
Writers, please stop telling this tired tale. Please stop writing about fated lovers. That ship has sailed. Take up paint by numbers. Knit a hat. But please, please, stop inflicting this tired shit on me. I read a lot, I read almost anything, but I will NOT read this crap ANYMORE.
Along those same tired lines, I am sick to death of the prophecy device, always used in conjunction with vampires. "According to an ancient prophecy, Elmindreda will marry the King of the Vampires, for she is the reincarnation of Lucien's lost bride." Bitches, please. You are not Bram Stoker and Mina Harker wants a new bag. Please stop writing this. Please. Why is there a vampire king? Who elected him? If you must write about vampires (which is deader than dead), give it a new spin. No more prophecies, fated lovers, or reincarnated brides. Please. I'm begging here. I'd like to go another step and beg for no more vampires, but I know that's pushing it. Ya'll just love your undead humpers, don't you? Why, I have no idea. But then I hit the curve way early, back in my college days when I was all Goth wannabe and playing White Wolf The Masquerade with dorks who thought I wrote the book on hawt. There's a benefit to rolling dice with dweebs. The ego boost is worth its weight in gold.
And I'm spent. Feel free to chime in, you know where.
Sometimes it's because they post some opinion so heinous that I'm shocked out of my love fest. It's happened lately, too. The shine doesn't rub off gradually; it's just knocked the fuck off. And sometimes I just sort of fall out of love with the site. It doesn't come up with as much interesting content, the updates are slow, the jokes begin to seem stale. I'm not gonna name names or anything, but I know it's really over when I start looking hard at my blogrolling list and thinking, "You know you never go there anymore, time to take that link off."
That may seem a little anal but I do actually remove links from blogrolling because if I put em on there, it's an endorsement. You will find something worth seeing if I decided it was worth adding. I imagine these blog "exes" sending me emails like real exes "We noticed you took our link off, I thought we had something. If you could just tell us why it's over, we thought everything was fine..." And then I giggle a little and remind myself nobody else gives a shit. Don't worry, babies, if your link is still up there, I still love you.
Moving on.
Let's talk about stupid shit in books that will make me hurl it, close it, or not even buy it in the first place. Topping the list is "destined mate" and "meant to be" stories. I'm so fucking sick of those that I want to put a spoon through my eye socket everytime I see another one. They're just all over the place. Haven't these authors ever heard of free will? I personally think it's a hell of a lot more romantic for a couple to fall in love and choose to be together forever. I mean, if I were science minded I could invent a device that would brainwash some hottie into being my sex slave, but would it mean anything? Fuck no.
Writers, please stop telling this tired tale. Please stop writing about fated lovers. That ship has sailed. Take up paint by numbers. Knit a hat. But please, please, stop inflicting this tired shit on me. I read a lot, I read almost anything, but I will NOT read this crap ANYMORE.
Along those same tired lines, I am sick to death of the prophecy device, always used in conjunction with vampires. "According to an ancient prophecy, Elmindreda will marry the King of the Vampires, for she is the reincarnation of Lucien's lost bride." Bitches, please. You are not Bram Stoker and Mina Harker wants a new bag. Please stop writing this. Please. Why is there a vampire king? Who elected him? If you must write about vampires (which is deader than dead), give it a new spin. No more prophecies, fated lovers, or reincarnated brides. Please. I'm begging here. I'd like to go another step and beg for no more vampires, but I know that's pushing it. Ya'll just love your undead humpers, don't you? Why, I have no idea. But then I hit the curve way early, back in my college days when I was all Goth wannabe and playing White Wolf The Masquerade with dorks who thought I wrote the book on hawt. There's a benefit to rolling dice with dweebs. The ego boost is worth its weight in gold.
And I'm spent. Feel free to chime in, you know where.
Labels: SBD
Monday, January 22, 2007
SBD: random bitching redux
You know what's great?
Meeting a new person and having them ask, "So what do you do?"
You tell that person you're an author and they immediately say, "Oh yeah? I've thought about writing a book. I have this great idea..."
Everyone thinks they can write. Hell, everyone thinks they should write. It's an incredibly bloated market and these people who "have this great idea" don't seem to care that you've spent fifteen years honing your craft, improving your grasp of the language, your ability to plot, your use of foreshadowing and dramatic irony. Most of those folks don't know what dramatic irony is. They wouldn't be able to tell you what the six key elements of a story are (exposition, narrative hook, rising action, climax, falling action, denouement). They wouldn't know the meaning of most of these terms: allegory, allusion, foil, antagonist, archetype, situational irony, didactic character, 3rd-person limited POV versus 3rd-person omniscient POV, tragic flaw or unreliable narrator.
Hell, half these people don't even read books.
But why not write? Anyone can write.
Not just anyone should, however. Stringing coherent sentences together is not at all the same as understanding how to tell a good story. I realized this when I was working as an acquisitions editor for a small publishing company. I had to resign because the work submitted to me as "ready" for publication was literally strangling my own muse. The worst thing ever was a 'children's' book, a proposed series of a spunky little girl who solves mysteries in her neighborhood. Sounds good, right? Well, by the way, the little girl is assisted by the spirit of her talking dog. The dog couldn't talk when it was alive, but when her father murdered it, something in passing over made its ghost able to communicate. Nifty, huh? Oh and by the way, her father also rapes and molests her repeatedly, not as part of the plot, but just as a by-the-way sort of thing. But nothing can get this spunky little girl down! I almost hurled. This was supposed to be a kids' book. I am not kidding.
I'm tired of people thinking they could sit down and do my job. Do what I've spent years learning how to do. Who thinks they could be a doctor after watching ER? Who considers picking up spare income by moonlighting as a private eye after watching Monk? It takes serious effort to get good at this. Hard work does pay off, yes, but how many of those people who "have this great idea" actually set pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard)? But they're sure they could if they only had time.
Well, guess what? That's part of it. Prioritizing it as something you do, every day, because you want to and because you love it.
But what do I know? Anyone can write.
(This rant brought to you by the letter G and the number 5.)
Meeting a new person and having them ask, "So what do you do?"
You tell that person you're an author and they immediately say, "Oh yeah? I've thought about writing a book. I have this great idea..."
Everyone thinks they can write. Hell, everyone thinks they should write. It's an incredibly bloated market and these people who "have this great idea" don't seem to care that you've spent fifteen years honing your craft, improving your grasp of the language, your ability to plot, your use of foreshadowing and dramatic irony. Most of those folks don't know what dramatic irony is. They wouldn't be able to tell you what the six key elements of a story are (exposition, narrative hook, rising action, climax, falling action, denouement). They wouldn't know the meaning of most of these terms: allegory, allusion, foil, antagonist, archetype, situational irony, didactic character, 3rd-person limited POV versus 3rd-person omniscient POV, tragic flaw or unreliable narrator.
Hell, half these people don't even read books.
But why not write? Anyone can write.
Not just anyone should, however. Stringing coherent sentences together is not at all the same as understanding how to tell a good story. I realized this when I was working as an acquisitions editor for a small publishing company. I had to resign because the work submitted to me as "ready" for publication was literally strangling my own muse. The worst thing ever was a 'children's' book, a proposed series of a spunky little girl who solves mysteries in her neighborhood. Sounds good, right? Well, by the way, the little girl is assisted by the spirit of her talking dog. The dog couldn't talk when it was alive, but when her father murdered it, something in passing over made its ghost able to communicate. Nifty, huh? Oh and by the way, her father also rapes and molests her repeatedly, not as part of the plot, but just as a by-the-way sort of thing. But nothing can get this spunky little girl down! I almost hurled. This was supposed to be a kids' book. I am not kidding.
I'm tired of people thinking they could sit down and do my job. Do what I've spent years learning how to do. Who thinks they could be a doctor after watching ER? Who considers picking up spare income by moonlighting as a private eye after watching Monk? It takes serious effort to get good at this. Hard work does pay off, yes, but how many of those people who "have this great idea" actually set pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard)? But they're sure they could if they only had time.
Well, guess what? That's part of it. Prioritizing it as something you do, every day, because you want to and because you love it.
But what do I know? Anyone can write.
(This rant brought to you by the letter G and the number 5.)
Labels: SBD
Monday, January 15, 2007
SBD: Bitch-krieg math
corollary: A writer's ability to ignore everything but her WIP greatly impacts the ratio of projects completed.
Let's test my theory.
1. If you screw off with your kids all weekend, you:
(a) enjoy yourself
(b) strengthen the family bond
(c) encourage them to pester you ALL the time instead of some of the time
(d) all of the above
2. If you let yourself worry about all the irons you have in the fire instead of writing, you:
(a) psych yourself out
(b) get nothing done
(c) panic over impending deadlines
(d) all of the above
3. If you start thinking about the editors and agents who are currently reading your work when you should be writing, you:
(a) scare the piss out of your muse
(b) have an anxiety attack
(c) decide you should be serving pie at Shoney's instead
(d) all of the above
The answer to each is, of course, all of the above.
Don't think. Just write.
Let's test my theory.
1. If you screw off with your kids all weekend, you:
(a) enjoy yourself
(b) strengthen the family bond
(c) encourage them to pester you ALL the time instead of some of the time
(d) all of the above
2. If you let yourself worry about all the irons you have in the fire instead of writing, you:
(a) psych yourself out
(b) get nothing done
(c) panic over impending deadlines
(d) all of the above
3. If you start thinking about the editors and agents who are currently reading your work when you should be writing, you:
(a) scare the piss out of your muse
(b) have an anxiety attack
(c) decide you should be serving pie at Shoney's instead
(d) all of the above
The answer to each is, of course, all of the above.
Don't think. Just write.
Labels: SBD
Monday, January 08, 2007
SBD: Ebooks
There are a lot of things I love about ebooks. I love that if I want one at 3am, I can whip out my credit card and get it, right then. Don't have to wait for the postman. Don't have to drive all the way across the city to the one English language bookstore (and hope they have what I want). I can get it RIGHT NOW. Since I'm not big on delayed gratification that's a huge selling point for me.
Love that publishers will take a risk with ebooks and you get amazing stories that would never in a million years have a shot in NY because they're edgy (see FINDING HOME) and because NY publishing doesn't push the envelope until epub proves that people will buy it. Just look at Ellora's Cave and the sudden number of erotic imprints. "Huh," they said in NY. "Looks like sex sells. Let's get some of that."
Here's what I don't love about ebooks. You can't hug 'em. Maybe that sounds dumb, but when I finish a really tremendous book, and I have that starry-eyed feeling like I've just been rewarded richly for my $6.95, I clutch that paperback beauty to my chest, sigh dreamily and make a mental note to buy this author again. There's no comparable ebook consummation, per se. You finish it, glowing and-- what? Hug your laptop? Your PDA? Now I like technology as much as the next person, but... c'mon. It's just not the same.
Next peeve...covers. Sweet Jesus, I've seen some that make my kittens cry. Seriously. They often perch on my shoulders while I'm reading and I'll pull some up on screen that literally make them mew in terror. Now some are just hot as hell; April Martinez does unbelievable work. Mostly I'm talking about bad Poser covers. Don't get me wrong; it's possible to do a really good one, but many of them are anatomically improbable, plastic looking, whatever. Sometimes less is more. Maybe the artists are asked by the authors for unreasonably difficult images? I don't know what the problem is, really, but why don't they KISS?
I'm not a cover artist by any means; I don't claim to have mad Photoshop or Poser skills. I can't generate my own art, but I made these "covers" for my serial stories in less than an hour, using a Click Art collection (that's about 20 CDs full of generic art) and Photoshop.
So maybe I'm not a pro, but I can cobble together something that doesn't scare my cats. I happen to think the one for Mercy is pretty damn good, myself, and the one for Loser's Waltz (which was updated today) isn't bad.
Maybe those who scoff at ebooks would take them seriously if the covers weren't so skeevy. So what's the solution?
Love that publishers will take a risk with ebooks and you get amazing stories that would never in a million years have a shot in NY because they're edgy (see FINDING HOME) and because NY publishing doesn't push the envelope until epub proves that people will buy it. Just look at Ellora's Cave and the sudden number of erotic imprints. "Huh," they said in NY. "Looks like sex sells. Let's get some of that."
Here's what I don't love about ebooks. You can't hug 'em. Maybe that sounds dumb, but when I finish a really tremendous book, and I have that starry-eyed feeling like I've just been rewarded richly for my $6.95, I clutch that paperback beauty to my chest, sigh dreamily and make a mental note to buy this author again. There's no comparable ebook consummation, per se. You finish it, glowing and-- what? Hug your laptop? Your PDA? Now I like technology as much as the next person, but... c'mon. It's just not the same.
Next peeve...covers. Sweet Jesus, I've seen some that make my kittens cry. Seriously. They often perch on my shoulders while I'm reading and I'll pull some up on screen that literally make them mew in terror. Now some are just hot as hell; April Martinez does unbelievable work. Mostly I'm talking about bad Poser covers. Don't get me wrong; it's possible to do a really good one, but many of them are anatomically improbable, plastic looking, whatever. Sometimes less is more. Maybe the artists are asked by the authors for unreasonably difficult images? I don't know what the problem is, really, but why don't they KISS?
I'm not a cover artist by any means; I don't claim to have mad Photoshop or Poser skills. I can't generate my own art, but I made these "covers" for my serial stories in less than an hour, using a Click Art collection (that's about 20 CDs full of generic art) and Photoshop.
So maybe I'm not a pro, but I can cobble together something that doesn't scare my cats. I happen to think the one for Mercy is pretty damn good, myself, and the one for Loser's Waltz (which was updated today) isn't bad.
Maybe those who scoff at ebooks would take them seriously if the covers weren't so skeevy. So what's the solution?
Labels: SBD
Monday, December 04, 2006
SBD: The MarySue Litmus Test
Riffing from SBTB, where they're talking about LKH, the diva-rockstar of MarySue phenom, I offer a link to the Litmus Test.
Yep, that's right, I ran my characters through the quiz to see if I was heading in that direction. You too can test your heroines (and heroes) to see if they're too awesome for words (and make readers want to throw up a little in their mouths)! Let's see how mine stack up:
Ellie Campbell, from The Average Girl's Guide to Getting Laid (14)
So how did the rest of you do?
Yep, that's right, I ran my characters through the quiz to see if I was heading in that direction. You too can test your heroines (and heroes) to see if they're too awesome for words (and make readers want to throw up a little in their mouths)! Let's see how mine stack up:
Ellie Campbell, from The Average Girl's Guide to Getting Laid (14)
11-20 points: The Non-Sue. Your character is a well-developed, balanced person, and is almost certainly not a Mary Sue. Congratulations!Addie Alger, from Your Alibi (1)
0-10 points: The Anti-Sue. Your character is the very antithesis of a Mary-Sue. Why are you even taking this test?Sirantha Jax, from Falling (12)
11-20 points: The Non-Sue. Your character is a well-developed, balanced person, and is almost certainly not a Mary Sue. Congratulations!Corine Solomon, from Good Touch (27)
Whew, I need to be careful with Corine. She could go the way of Anita Blake or Merry Gentry if I'm not careful! I swear I will resist temptation; the men of the world will not sniff at her armpit sweat and drool with mindless lust. That, dear reader, is my pledge to you.21-35 points: Borderline-Sue. Your character is cutting it close, and you may want to work on the details a bit, but you're well on your way to having a lovely original character. Good work!
So how did the rest of you do?
Labels: SBD
